


The Garden You Grew Within Me

by GrayChameleon



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Romance, Blood, Brief mentions of contemplated suicide, Cole Nya Kai and Lloyd work fast food, Crying, Emotions, Friends With Benefits, Hanahaki Disease, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I almost broke my beta with this, I have no regrets, I wrote it as a oneshot but broke it into chapters for easier reading, I'm Sorry, If you have a sensitive heart do not read, M/M, Oops, Smut, Strong Language, That's in the very last chapter though, This is a fricking trainwreck, This isn't going to end the way you think it does, This was supposed to be a oneshot by the way, Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?, Zane and Jay work for Borg, alcohol use, occasional chat format, the author is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26557963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayChameleon/pseuds/GrayChameleon
Summary: He stared in horror at the images on the screen. It...it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. But the buds in his lungs and petals in his hand said that it was. Tears slipped down his face, landing on the silken blood-tainted petals like a tragically beautiful aesthetic. His friends watched him quietly weep while they stood there, unable to help except for one.
Relationships: Cole/Lloyd Garmadon
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no excuse why I wrote this other than I got bored and wanted to procrastinate on my other two fics, which is why they're both on hiatus also I have writer's block on both of them. Anyways here's this absolute fucking trainwreck of emotions :)

They lunged for each other like starving animals, biting and licking as their hands grabbed the other’s body, fingers raking through rain-matted hair while the other pushed his own up under the tee shirt worn by the first male, large hands gripping the warm narrow waist. Lloyd pulled back first, lips swollen from the aggressive kissing and pulled Cole’s head under his chin, nails digging into his scalp as the other male bit at the exposed skin, hard enough to leave an imprint of teeth marks. Cole growled against the exposed neck, slamming Lloyd against the wall and pinning him there as he mouthed at the blond’s unmarked flesh, working his way up to the underside of Lloyd’s jaw.

Lloyd wordlessly whined as his ear was tugged at, making Cole chuckle darkly from the reaction as he pressed his body against the smaller male, slipping a thigh between his legs. Lloyd rutted against it, panting and arching as he clawed at Cole’s back, the thick material of his black hoodie wet from rain. Cole growled, lifting Lloyd up so that he had no choice but to wrap his legs around the other’s hips, pulling him closer.

Still kissing, tongues swiping against parted lips before slipping inside and tangling, Cole carried Lloyd to the latter’s room, dropping him on the bed and pulling back long enough to shed his hoodie, revealing his shirtless torso. The sight made Lloyd’s mouth water, and he pulled himself up to mouth at Cole’s abs, feeling the muscles flex and ripple beneath his lips. He glanced up from beneath his eyelashes, seeing the gorgeous arch of Cole’s neck exposed with his head dropped back, chest heaving as Lloyd teased him with kitten licks and nips, mouthing at the waistband of the loose shorts slung low across his hips. He pulled away long enough to pull his shirt off and throw it to the side, intending to continue the teasing but instead found himself being shoved onto his back, Cole surging down and roughly pressing his lips to Lloyd’s.

They continued to kiss and grope, working their way to a breaking point when they couldn’t contain themselves any longer. They stripped off the rest of their clothes, and Lloyd turned onto his stomach as Cole leaned over to the right nightstand, going for the second drawer where the lube and condoms were kept. Lloyd wriggled his ass impatiently, and Cole clucked his tongue in warning, giving it a smack on the left side. Lloyd gasped, the slight sting of it going straight to his dick, and he flashed a crooked grin over his shoulder, repeating the action. Cole growled and fisted a handful of Lloyd’s hair, pulling his head back and snarling into his ear, “Impatient, are we?”

“Shut up and get on it with it,” Lloyd whined, pouting as he fumbled for the bottle of lube Cole had dropped when he’d grabbed the handful of hair. “I called you over to fuck me like an animal, not talk like some dom. So hurry it up and just fuck me already.”

Cole laughed throatily, releasing his grip on Lloyd’s hair to slide his hand down the blond’s back, feeling the ridges and bumps of bone as he arched into the touch. Cole leaned down and sank his teeth into the supple flesh, raking his nails down to connect the marks that blossomed across Lloyd’s back, turning him into a piece of art with purple and red flowers, the scratch marks their twisted stems and the bite marks their serrated leaves.

Lloyd grew impatient, the feeling of slick fingers slowly pressing into him and working him open making him begin to drool. His being was on fire with the intense need to be fucked mercilessly into the mattress, and he slurred a protest when Cole’s fingers slid from him, the sound of the condom package tearing and a few moments later his eyes were rolling into the back of his head as Cole began to enter him.

Lloyd struggled to breathe as Cole slid into him, large hands gripping his hips tightly to keep him in place. The blond panted heavily, pushing himself onto his forearms and breathlessly begging to be fucked, glancing back at the male behind him with desperation gleaming in his emerald eyes. Cole pretended not to notice, slowly pulling out before sliding back in at the same drawn-out pace. He pulled out yet again before roughly snapping his hips, making Lloyd choke as he was finally-- _finally_ \--being properly fucked.

Cole was brutal, pounding into Lloyd hard and fast, rendering every sound he could from the blond’s parted lips. Lloyd’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, tongue falling out as he dissolved into incoherent moans, unable to move as he drowned in overwhelming pleasure. His body was on fire, and every thrust into him added fuel to the flames. But what felt like too soon Lloyd was coming, shortly followed by Cole groaning into his ear, signaling that he too came.

They stayed pressed together for a short while, chests heaving as they came down from their highs, then Cole was pulling away, pulling off and tying the end of the used condom. Lloyd’s back felt cold without the extra warmth and weight, and he turned over, watching the dark-haired male start for the bathroom to grab a towel for cleanup.

“Why don’t you ever stay?” Lloyd asked as Cole began dressing some minutes later. Without missing a beat Cole answered, “Cuddles invoke emotions and we agreed emotions wouldn’t be a part of this when we first started. Even if that wasn't already the case we both have work.”

Lloyd pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them. He fell quiet, watching Cole tug his hoodie over his head and pull his worn canvas hi-tops on, forgoing the laces. He bobbed his head in quiet response as the older male said “See you in a few hours” while heading for the door to Lloyd’s apartment. He rose from the bed and tugged on a pair of boxers and pajama pants a few sizes too big before striding to the door as well, locking it once more. He then curled up on the couch and turned on the TV, not caring what was on as he was too deep in his thoughts and feelings.

When him and Cole had initially agreed to be friends with benefits, there had been no emotions involved from either of them. What they had was a mutual acknowledgement that when it was time for a booty call, they would meet, fuck, then be on their way without too much thought. But at one point Lloyd began to pay more attention to Cole, noting the way his broad shoulders moved beneath the tight shirts he liked wearing. His hands, large enough to be mistaken for a warrior’s but instead of weapons were skilled in art. Lloyd picked up on the subtle clues, seeing the tired stress in his half-closed eyes and being able to read him with very little difficulty. When they did hook up, it was always fast and furious, and Lloyd sometimes wished they could slow down and take their time to actually _feel_ the other, relish in the sensation of heated flesh pressed together, words quietly murmured into an exposed neck before pressing a soft kiss to the area. Legs slung over shoulders and nails scraping down muscular arms, feverish moans and cries being pulled from his lips with each thrust into him. And then once they had finished, they could cuddle and eventually fall asleep together, wrapped in each other's arms.

At one point, Lloyd found himself falling in love. And it hurt knowing Cole didn’t feel the same way.

He went about his usual morning routine, preparing for his 10-8 shift. His body hurt with every movement, aching as he dressed. Fortunately the worst of the markings had been on his torso, leaving one hickey barely visible on his neck. If someone noticed it and questioned him about it, he’d just shrug them off because it wasn’t any of their business if he’d gotten laid the previous night. At twenty-two he could make his own choices, and if that involved finding someone to bed then so be it.

As he was dressing, however, a tickle formed in the back of his throat. He coughed a few times to clear it, but when that failed to work he drank a glass of water. That seemed to do the trick, and the tickle subsided. He finished getting ready then headed out the door, taking care to lock it before walking down the three flights of stairs, the summer sun already hot despite it being a quarter past nine. He hopped into his car and took off, reaching the fast food joint where he, Cole, Kai, and Nya worked in under thirty minutes. He parked and headed to the back door, ringing the doorbell. The door swung open, and him and Cole exchanged relaxed greetings, returning to front together.

“Shit, I forgot there was a fundraiser tonight,” Lloyd grumbled as he analyzed the clipboard with the day’s schedule of where people were and seeing “FUND” scrawled in next to “DINING” before blinking approvingly at his drive partner for the day. Nya always kicked drive’s ass, easily one of their best, and it made Lloyd feel better about how the day’s mood, relieved he had someone who was competent and would easily take on whatever needed to be done if he became too occupied with another task.

“Yeah, I don’t envy you guys,” Cole answered, returning to his station at set, crouching after opening the door below to begin prepping sauces for the morning. “Especially with it being only the most popular elementary school in the entire city because they want to add to the playground.”

Lloyd snorted, tugging his hat on before slipping his apron’s neck strap over his head, adjusting it before gathering the ties and wrapping them once around his waist before securing it beneath the apron’s front. Pinning his nametag to the left corner of his apron, he said while walking to the sink and pressing the lever with his thigh to turn on the water, “As if they need another addition. It’ll be what, their third one in the past five years?” He couldn’t quite catch Cole’s answer but it was more than likely a sarcastic response, and after he finished washing his hands, he returned to front, pulling on a pair of gloves followed by his favorite headset and a fresh battery.

He clocked in and promptly started on temps, calibrating the three thermometers in ice water, filling out the basic info on the temp log while waiting for them to finish.

"By the way, we're down to our last six sweet-and-sours," Cole said, eyeing the half-filled metal container. "Shipment won't be here till Friday so hope they can last two days without their sauce."

"But do we have enough ranch?" Lloyd pointed out as he began temping items. "You know how thirsty some people are for ranch. Last Saturday I had a request to put in as much ranch as possible. Came out to about ten containers 'cause they wanted two for literally every salad and tenders they ordered."

"You'd think people would die without it," Cole mumbled under his breath just as Lloyd's headset began to beep. Lloyd nodded before turning to the little nook drive was stationed in, answering the headset. The first few orders were usually painless, easy to get through with no complications, but Lloyd was always waiting for the impossible-to-hear angry customers, the ones that usually resulted in being screamed at and completely ruined his day.

"Jay’s wondering when we can hook up as a group again,” Cole brought up once Lloyd had cashed out and was back to working on temps. Lloyd glanced at him and commented, “I thought he’d sworn off drinking for the next thirty-seven years after what happened last time.”

“Apparently it wasn’t enough to dissuade him from whiskey and root beer.” The electronic doorbell chimed, announcing that someone had entered lobby. They both glanced towards each door and they both grinned whenever they saw who it was emerge from the corner of the rear door.

“Don’t talk to me,” Nya mumbled before anyone could say anything as she flopped into a seat close to where she’d entered from, setting a thermos down before placing an arm on the table and dropping her forehead onto it. Lloyd and Cole exchanged looks, then Cole asked, "You good?"

"Take one look at me and tell me if you think I'm good." She lifted her head and stared at them with exhausted eyes, puffy shadows a clear indicator of a rough night. Her hair was slightly disheveled, bangs sticking up after refusing to be tamed.

"What happened?"

“Nothing, just couldn’t sleep. Nothing I did helped so hey, guess who has exactly zero hours of sleep.”

“Would you rather cash out?” Lloyd asked as he moved onto the soups, and Nya mumbled, “Sure, since I won’t be able to focus enough to listen.” Lloyd nodded and continued doing temps, stopping once in a while to take an order.

By the time it was ten fifty, Lloyd had completed temps and was getting an increase in orders for drive. Meanwhile more of the crew joined Nya in a small portion of lobby, none of them looking particularly enthused as they idled for a few minutes before collectively clocking in.

The rush set in shortly after eleven. Drive was the first to be swamped, lobby gradually filling as well. The once-quiet building was soon bustling with people and noise, parents trying to get their rowdy kids under control while friends hollered at each other. At set Cole was a watchful hawk, keeping an eye on the three registers while waiting for the orders to drop, and in drive Nya kept the line moving at top speed while Lloyd...couldn’t figure out for the life of him what this one customer wanted. His brows were furrowed tightly, eyes narrowed as he pressed the receiver against his ear. He was trying his damndest but this person just wasn’t wanting to speak up and enunciate. He nudged Nya and muted his mic before saying quietly, “Can you understand what this guy is saying?”

“Wasn’t paying too much attention but ask one more time,” she answered, handing the final drink out followed by the number with directions to pull straight ahead, recalling the next order while nodding at Lloyd. Lloyd turned back to the screen and asked the third time, “I’m sorry but one more time?”

**“☞︎✋︎💧︎☟︎ 💧︎✌︎☠︎👎︎🕈︎✋︎👍︎☟︎ 🕈︎✋︎❄︎☟︎ ☠︎⚐︎ ☹︎☜︎❄︎❄︎🕆︎👍︎☜︎✏︎”**

Lloyd cringed from the drastic volume of it, then Nya said, “I think he’s wanting a fish sandwich, no lettuce.”

“How the frick did you get that?” Lloyd murmured before unmuting his mic and trying, “A fish sandwich with no lettuce?”

**“YES!”**

“Anything else?”

**“NO!”**

“Total’s gonna be $4.72 at the window.” Lloyd muted his mic and sighed, storing the order before immediately answering the next order. “Thank you for choosing Master Chen’s, this is Lloyd. What can I get for you today?”

* * *

It was close to eight thirty by the time he clocked off, and by then Lloyd was numb. It had been a long day made longer by the fundraiser, and he was ready to go home, shower, and sleep for the next thirty years. He gave Kai a tired fist bump as the spiky-haired male walked past him, returning to kitchen after a break taken three hours late due to the overwhelming busyness of said fund, the only sort of parting they could offer in their drained states. He was no doubt going to get several messages asking if he was okay later on, but at the moment Lloyd only wanted to go home. He trudged to his car and climbed in, promptly rolling the windows down to allow for air circulation as the AC hadn’t worked in years. He pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic, tiredly vibing to an upbeat song on the radio.

He finally made it home and sat in his car for a few moments, forehead against the steering wheel with his eyes closed. He took a few breaths trying to gather enough energy to trudge up the stairs, and he finally sat up with a mumbled “Fuck”. He climbed out and locked the car, heading up to his apartment.

He turned on a lamp then headed to his room, flopping face-first onto his bed. He rolled onto his back and stared blankly at the ceiling, just needing to get off his feet before showering. He hadn’t realized he’d dozed off until the tickle from the morning returned, and he woke up coughing, the sound deep and hard. He scrambled to the kitchen, still trying to hack up a lung. He chugged a glass of water but that proved futile.

It took several minutes for the coughing to finally cease, and by then his lungs and throat felt raw. He drank another glass of water, assuming the pain in his lungs was simply from the cough. He set the now-empty glass back down and returned to his room, gathering things for a shower. Whenever he finished and returned to his room, towel-drying his hair, he discovered his phone was blowing up with notifications. Rolling his eyes, he slung the towel around his neck and unlocked his phone, opening the app. Scrolling through, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest at the utter chaos, notably with the most recent messages:

**God of War:** FUUUUUUCK MEEEEE

 **Blueeeee:** Why lmao

 **God of War:** Fundraisers are the actual worst

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** They’re horrible. I barely managed to get out before it hit

 **Cake Addict:** Did they reach their goal?

 **God of War:** Easy. With any luck, they won’t need another fundraiser for the next five years

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** If they stop upgrading everything every six months, that is

 **Blueeeee:** Pfft as if. That place is always gonna be doing things that’s gonna require more and more money

 **God of War:** Why doesn’t Borg do a fundraiser? I’m sure that’d be enough

 **Smart Strange One:** Mr. Borg is far too occupied with more important matters than to bother himself with orchestrating a fundraiser for elementary students.

 **Blueeeee:** Yeah but it’s for the kids. He’d do anything for the youth

 **Blueeeee:** Think of the children Zane. They need proper resources to learn and study so they can grow into educated adults

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** I’m sorry but have you seen the dumbasses some adults are?

 **Blueeeee:** I am a dumbass adult. I work for Borg and yet I’m still a chaotic mess

 **God of War:** Mood

 **Cake Addict:** We need help

 **Blueeeee:** Cole I’m pretty sure that at this point not even the best therapist in Ninjago can fix us

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Seconded

 **God of War:** Even if there was a therapist that could we’d be too broke to afford it

 **Smol Bean:** Is everyone okay?

 **Blueeeee:** No🙃

 **Smol Bean:** Had to ask

 **Cake Addict:** Someone should be asking you that

 **Smart Strange One:** Your concern is appreciated, Lloyd.

 **Smol Bean:** Why does everyone act like I’m the only one who needs help when that’s literally all of us except for maybe Zane because he’s 100% healthy

 **God of War:** Wtf does that even mean

 **Smol Bean:** No physical illness, no mental illness, he can answer a phone and not think twice about it, y’know stuff like that

 **Blueeeee:** People like that exist????

 **God of War:** Not possible

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Actually it is, although none of us are like that

 **Smart Strange One:** Except for me.

 **Cake Addict:** Don’t rub it in, Zane T_T

 **Smart Strange One:** My apologies.

 **Blueeeee:** Cole why are you still up?

 **Cake Addict:** You have forgotten I have insomnia

 **God of War:** Just slam a bottle of vodka

 **Smol Bean:** Nah margarita works better

 **Blueeeee:** WHISKEY!!!!!!!

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** You alcoholics

 **Smol Bean:** Says the one who hisses and glares if anyone touches her wine

 **God of War:** Exposed sis

 **God of War:** Also I've caught you stealing straight from my vodka

 **God of War:** You're not better than us

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** I can still drink three of your asses under the table, lightweights

 **Blueeeee:** That reminds me...when we getting shitfaced :D

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Why do you do this to yourself even after last time?

 **Blueeeee:** Because reality is a painful bitch and it needs to be forgotten every once in a while

 **Cake Addict:** Jay, you need a therapist

 **Blueeeee:** So do you and Lloyd and practically everyone else

 **Smol Bean:** I can manage

 **Smart Strange One:** Do I need to find a therapist for everyone?

 **God of War:** Zane, you ARE our therapist

 **Smol Bean:** Yeah, you kinda are

 **Blueeeee:** WHENEVER WE GET DRUNK AS FUCK NEXT TIME LET’S HAVE A GROUP THERAPY SESSION AND JUST CRY OUR EMOTIONS OUT :D :D :D :D

 **Smart Strange One:** NO.

 **God of War:** YESSSSSS

 **Smart Strange One:** I REFUSE.

 **Blueeeee:** IT’LL BE FUN ZANE

 **Blueeeee:** BECOME ONE OF US

 **Smart Strange One:** C E A S E.

 **God of War:** Now I’m for real feeling I’m being yelled at and I don’t like it •~•

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Have you idiots gotten that out of your systems yet?

 **Blueeeee:** Mebbe >:3

 **Cake Addict:** 🙄

 **Smol Bean:** ^^;

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Anyways I’m gonna turn in, being the 10:00er and all

 **Cake Addict:** Same now that my meds have kicked in

 **Smol Bean:** That makes three of us heading to bed

 **God of War:** Have fun at work tomorrow. I’ll think of you three in between naps uwu

 **Smart Strange One:** Jay and I should leave as well, considering our eight o’clock meeting tomorrow.

 **Blueeeee:** wAIT

 **Blueeeee:** THAT’S TOMORROW?????

 **Smart Strange One:** Please do not tell me you forgot.

 **Blueeeee:** ...they’ll be finished I swear

 **Smart Strange One:** You best start working on them now to ensure they are completed for tomorrow’s presentation.

 **Blueeeee:** Yessir

 **Blueeeee:** Night everyone :D

 **Cake Addict:** How he manages procrastinating then somehow pulling out whatever needs to be done in a single night never fails to baffle me

 **God of War:** It’s practically a superpower

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Turning in for real now. Kai, coffee’s already prepped

 **God of War:** Yee :D

 **Smol Bean:** Night, Nya

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** See you guys tomorrow

 **Cake Addict:** Good luck with the meeting

 **Smart Strange One:** Thank you.

 **God of War:** But seriously, when are we gonna hook up next

 **Smol Bean:** Dude, not now. We’re too tired for this

 **Cake Addict:** Yeah, let’s talk about this tomorrow

 **God of War:** T_T

 **Smol Bean:** Whatever my guy

 **Smol Bean:** Catch y’all in the morning

Lloyd closed the app and set his phone to mute, plugging it into the charger. Rolling onto his side, he shifted until comfortable, ready to pass the frick out. His eyes had started to close during the last few minutes and knew it wouldn’t be too much longer before he fell asleep. He gave one final deep exhale, and was surrendering to the blissful void of sleep.

He wandered through a mystical forest, the leaves of the trees glowing with a vibrant bright blue light while the stones beneath his feet shone a pale mint green. He followed the path through the forest, staring in awe at the glowing butterflies that flitted past him, leaving in their wake faint streaks of light with the tiniest glint of sparkles. It was a gorgeous place, and Lloyd wished he could stay there forever to bask in its beauty.

As he walked, a strange itch began in his lungs. At first he thought nothing of it, but then it began to grow. Something was filling his chest, pressing against them and breaking through. The thinnest of tendrils slipped into his body, intertwining with his nerves and veins, taking over as it spread throughout his being.

Lloyd stumbled, dropping to his knees as he felt something bloom within his chest. Everything hurt, his nerves, his skin, his muscles, his bones, his whole body screamed with agony as it was taken over. He could feel his insides rearranging themselves, morphing into soft branches and leaves, the soft petals of flowers brushing against the inner walls of his organs as they bloomed within. His blood became their water, and he screamed as a thick, flexible branch-like annex climbed its way up his throat while more of the same roots that had breached his lungs ensnared the nerves clinging to his spine and neck vertebrae, breaking through his skull and devouring his brain, replacing it with more flora. His screams grew louder as he could feel the roots begin to poke at the backs of his eyes, but his voice was cut off as the branch in his throat breached his mouth, growing into the air a short distance above his head. He cried in a muffled voice as his eyes were stabbed through, thick flowers forming within the sockets. He could feel warm blood gushing down his face before his body stilled, falling to the ground.

He woke up in a cold sweat, face streaked with tears and chest heaving, the thick feeling from his dream still present in his lungs. He reached for his phone and looked at the time, horrified to see it was only 03:28. There were a few more notifications from the group chat, but he ignored those and instead unplugged his phone from the charger before flipping his pillow over and settling down once more. He laid awake thinking about the dream before eventually returning to uneasy sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They get drunk as fuck
> 
> Also mild disclaimer: Not all fast food places are like this but mine is
> 
> ALSO also, please don't fuck your managers IRL. Or your coworkers. Just don't, okay?

**20:06**

**God of War:** Ffs if we don’t get together soon imma lose it

 **Blueeeee:** Oh god what now

 **God of War:** Shipments have been delayed, we ran out of tenders both normal AND spicy, we’re down to our last few chicken sandwiches, I’m gonna kill Clause, goddamn drama, I’m surprised the building’s still standing it’s such a shitshow

 **God of War:** I AM DOWN TO MYSELF AND NEURO BECAUSE TODAY THE WHOLE NIGHT KITCHEN DECIDED TO DO NO CALLS, NO SHOWS SO I AM FUCKED EVERY WAY TO SUNDAY

 **God of War:** Can’t take a proper break

 **God of War:** Shit gotta go another rush incoming

 **Blueeeee:** Yknow, for Kai’s sanity, we really should get together asap

 **Blueeeee:** Two weeks at the penthouse?

**22:29**

**Smol Bean:** I agree. And not just for Kai’s sake but for everyone’s

 **Goddess of War:** I hate that this is how he comes home most times

 **Smol Bean:** Pissed off and ready to scream?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Yeah. I mean sure, I get like that too, but not to the degree that he does

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Between him or me, I’d say it’s him who needs a better job more than I do

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Jay or Zane, are one of you lurking right now?

 **Smart Strange One:** I’m here.

 **Blueeeee:** Whatcha need

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Is there any way at all you could get Kai a job working for Borg?

 **Blueeeee:** He could be a model. He’s pretty enough to be one

 **Smart Strange One:** We’d have to consult Mr. Borg, of course, but Kai does have a very nice appeal that would make him a good model.

 **Smol Bean:** How does Kai have the power to be so attractive so many people

 **Smol Bean:** Even guys will check him out when he’s walking down the street

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** You’re attractive too, Lloyd

 **Smol Bean:** Yeah but not the same way he is

 **Smart Strange One:** Kai is an incubus and you are a fairy, Lloyd. Both are attractive and pretty in their own ways, just as flowers and colored lights are pretty in their own individual ways.

 **Blueeeee:** Wait so I’m not ugly as shit?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** You’re a lava lamp

 **Smol Bean:** What aesthetic is Cole

 **Smart Strange One:** Allow me.

 **Smart Strange One:** Wooded forests with thick fog and heavy mist. Snow-capped mountains where eagles roost. Full moons and the yellow glint of a wolf's eye. Black jackets and ripped skinny jeans with unlaced hi-tops. 24/7 diners at two fifty-eight in the morning with a cup of tired-tasting coffee and apple pie with discussions that turn into impromptu therapy sessions.

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** That soothed my soul

 **Smol Bean:** What an aesthetic

 **Blueeeee:** Do mine, Zane! Do mine!!! :D

 **Smart Strange One:** I will have to think about yours, Jay. Whenever I do have it, I will tell you.

 **Blueeeee:** Yay

 **Smol Bean:** While Zane's thinking of our personal aesthetics, what other jobs could we fast food slaves possibly get working for Borg

 **Blueeeee:** Like I already said, you and Kai can be models. Cole can work security and Nya, you can help me in creating things for Borg :D

 **Cake Addict:** That sounds fantastic. When can we start

 **Cake Addict:** Also that aesthetic is nice. Didn't realize I was quite like that, though

 **Smol Bean:** You, my guy, are a perfect aesthetic for dark-themed grunge

 **Smol Bean:** Even if Zane's aesthetic is nature-based, which is still accurate

 **Blueeeee:** Yee

 **Cake Addict:** Rip Kai, though. He's not the only one who wants to end Clause. Or Chen for that matter. Or really management in general 🙃

 **Smart Strange One:** What happened now?

 **Cake Addict:** My guess is that Clause gave himself a perfectly structured crew and gave Kai the scraps like usual. At least Neuro kicks ass, which is what Kai needs. If I could, I'd have them be my kitchen. And Shade, but he's been gone for a few years

 **Smol Bean:** Are you talking about that tall, edgy-looking guy with the black hair and gravelly voice?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** That's him. He switched out working fast food for being a tattoo artist, teamed up with Skylor and they opened their own shop. They do good work. I've got a few and 10/10 would recommend

 **Smol Bean:** Since when did you have tattoos??

 **Blueeeee:** I've got one on my shoulder blade Shade did. Turned out hella sick

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Kai has the most work done, and goddamn they turned out gorgeous

 **Smol Bean:** WHEN DID YOU ALL GET TATTOOS TF????

 **Cake Addict:** It's called "being drunk and finally getting tattoos you've wanted since forever"

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Kai and I got our nips pierced, although I'm pretty sure we were mildly high

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** ...

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Yeah, we were high

 **Cake Addict:** What

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** We were hanging out with Bolobo and shit kinda happened

 **Blueeeee:** You and Kai smoke?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Just the one time. That was an experience

 **Blueeeee:** Huh, aight then

 **Cake Addict:** You and Kai have pierced nips? I never would've guessed

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Yeah we got them done just under two years ago. I'm sure Kai will be more than happy to show his

 **Cake Addict:** And why not yours?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** No one likes small tits. And I also don't need that picture circling in the chat

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Also why the fuck do you guys want to see my tits

 **Smol Bean:** But small tits are the best :(

 **Blueeeee:** You'd rather have Kai's nipples in the chat, then?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** His default state-of-being is shirtless. Also his tits are bigger than mine

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** He’s a kinky bastard with them, though

 **Blueeeee:** OwO?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Shit the door just slammed. I gotta go

Nya locked her phone then opened her bedroom door, peering around it. She heard muffled sobbing, and she crept out of hiding, her bare feet quiet against the plush white carpet. “Kai? Are you okay?”

“I want you to take one good look at me and tell me I’m okay.” He looked up at her from the floor, his brown eyes shining with misery as tears dripped down his face. He raised a hand and wiped the tears away, still crying. Nya knelt down in front of him and pulled him into a hug. He buried his face into her neck, arms wrapped tightly around her.

She finally pulled him off the floor and escorted him into his room, leaving only to grab a glass of water. Handing it to him, she sat down next to him and rubbed his back as he exploded into a crying mess yet again, telling her how shitty the shift had been with multiple rushes and only two in the kitchen to tackle it all.

“I’m just so fucking tired of it all,” he ended in a whisper, voice hoarse. He leaned his head against her shoulder, and she put a hand on his thigh in response.

“If you wanted, Zane and Jay might be able to convince Borg to hire us,” she tentatively said.

“Really?” He lifted his head to stare at her, and she nodded, telling him to open the group chat. He did so and she scrolled to the part where the jobs had been mentioned, and she caught in his tear-swollen eyes a faint glimmer of hope. He turned his head to look at her and weakly asked, “Is this for real?”

“It’s just an idea we thought of tonight, so I’m hoping they’ll ask sometime soon. But you really do need a better job, Kai. One that doesn’t piss you off and make you cry the way this one does.” Nya tugged at her sweaterpaws, gaze fixed on her lap. “I’m worried about you, a lot more than you think. Whenever you come home that’s all you do is cry and be mad. Look, I get it, you’re sick and tired of always having to do kitchen’s shit but dammit this is ruining you. If you don’t get out of there as soon as you can, it’s going to destroy you and rip you apart.”

“But I’m not the one taking the brunt of someone’s bitchiness or being screamed at because you can’t hear what they’re saying. I can’t understand what they’re saying either sometimes, and it’s not fair that you get treated so poorly simply because you asked them to speak up a little.”

“People treat us like a voice in the box because that’s what we are. They feel they can be rude and disrespectful and have an attitude because there is no face, no person, just a robotic voice in the box. Some orders make pulling teeth easier. I mean seriously, is it that hard to know if you want cheese or no cheese on your burger? Or what dipping sauce you want for your tenders? They’re super hard questions, I know.”

“It is mildly amusing hearing someone sound so confident about ordering then you start asking the fine details and then they just draw a blank,” Kai admitted, and Nya cracked a small smile.

“I suppose but still. Or whenever it takes so long to even say one thing, like I’ll ask a simple question and it’ll be a solid thirty seconds before they answer, and that goes on for the entire order. Rack up about forty dollars or more, and of course I want to read it back just to be sure because one, it took so damn long, and two, to make sure I heard everything you said correctly because surprise, they were mumbling. But nope, they drive off when I’m in the middle of it and pull straight to the window and it’s just kinda like “Aight, fuck you too. Don’t want your order being wrong now, do we? My apologies for taking too long to ensure the accuracy of your order”.”

Kai wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. “For both our sakes, we need to leave. Even if the thing with Borg doesn’t happen because hey, why would it, we just need to find something else.”

“Agreed.”

Kai continued scrolling through the chat, then commented, “You brought up our nipple piercings and now they want to see them.”

“They can see yours; I’m not sending a topless photo to my squad.”

Kai hummed thoughtfully. “Modeling Borg’s inventions, you say…”

Nya narrowed her eyes, recognizing the tone of voice. “I know what you’re thinking."

* * *

**22:45**

**Blueeeee:** Everything's gonna be okay, right?

 **Cake Addict:** At this point I don't know

 **God of War:** HEY FUCKERS

 **God of War:** GET YOUR ASSES READY

 **Smol Bean:** Oh god what now mom come get me I'm scared

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** [attachment: 1 image]

 **God of War:** Is this enough or yall need more

 **Cake Addict:** That's enough thank you

 **God of War:** UwU

**_Smol Bean changed God of War's name to Incubus_ **

**Smol Bean:** It's only appropriate

 **Incubus:** Hopefully Borg will be convinced that I should be a model because I look good af

 **Cake Addict:** Nya should be a model too. She's too pretty to be sitting in a workshop working with Jay all day

 **Incubus:** Lemme relay that to her real quick

 **Incubus:** She says “Fuck you, I’ll do whatever I want”

 **Cake Addict:** Wow

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** I didn’t say that. Kai, stop spreading bullshit

 **Incubus:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** What I actually said was: Thanks but no, tech’s always appealed to me more than modeling has

**_Smol Bean changed Goddess of Wisdom’s name to Succubus_ **

**Smol Bean:** You guys gotta match :D

 **Succubus:** -_-

**_Succubus changed name to Goddess of Wisdom_ **

**Goddess of Wisdom:** It stays or so help me

 **Smol Bean:** Yes ma’am T_T

 **Incubus:** Anyways, I have a very important question to ask…

 **Incubus:** Can we please meet at the Penthouse in two weeks?

 **Smart Strange One:** For the last three times it has been at my place. Why?

 **Blueeeee:** My place is a complete wreck and everyone else wants to feel high-class for once

 **Smol Bean:** You have the comfiest couches and that carpet oml

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** It’s the view. You can’t get that from an apartment in the sketchier part of town

 **Cake Addict:** Yes to all of that

 **Smol Bean:** You provide the place, we’ll provide the food and the drinks. I’ve got the margaritas

 **Incubus:** We should do peach vodka and 8Down this time

 **Blueeeee:** Yee :D

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Cole, bring the food

 **Cake Addict:** Are you asking or telling me

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** I'm telling you

 **Cake Addict:** The goddess has spoken. So it shall be

 **Incubus:** I finally have some vague semblance of a will to live now

 **Cake Addict:** I’ll drink to that

 **Smart Strange One:** You four do need better jobs.

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Then tomorrow ask Borg if there’s anything we can do. Please

 **Smart Strange One:** I will make a point of doing so.

 **Incubus:** Thank you

 **Cake Addict:** With that being said, it’s hella late and we should go to bed

 **Blueeeee:** Yee

 **Smol Bean:** Yeahhh that sounds good

 **Incubus:** I’m just thankful we finally have a date set

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Seconded

 **Smart Strange One:** Talk to you all tomorrow.

 **Incubus:** Night

 **Cake Addict:** Get some sleep everyone

 **Blueeeee:** Yee :D

 **Smol Bean:** :)

* * *

_TWO WEEKS LATER_

Kai threw open the door, five plastic bags in hand. "You bastards haven't started without me, have you?" he demanded as he hooked a leg around the door to close it, the backpack slung across his right shoulder threatening to slip off.

"Of course not. We've just been snacking and drinking an unholy amount of water," Cole answered. “What did you get?”

“A rotisserie chicken, ice cream, and some other shit.” Kai set the bags on the island in Zane’s kitchen, then disappeared into the nearby bathroom to change, tossing over his shoulder, “If anyone touches that chicken Imma cut you.”

“He did send me a text saying he was hangry,” Nya said once the door shut, returning her attention to the bags. She first pulled out the ice cream and set it in the freezer before moving onto the chicken, popping open the lid and releasing the scent of warm, well-seasoned chicken. Lloyd’s stomach growled at the smell, and he noticed he wasn’t the only one eyeing it, Cole giving it a side look while Jay blatantly stared at it. They did leave it alone, however, and when Kai returned a few minutes later dressed in an old red-and-whie baseball shirt and loose sweatpants, he promptly dug into the chicken.

“It was so bad,” he managed between a mouthful of thigh. “I wanted to scream, it was so bad.”

“Short version, what happened.” Nya slid him a glass of water which he promptly drained in a matter of seconds. Turning the thigh over and ripping a chunk off, he said after a few bites, “Clause screwed me over by giving me three new kids who’ve only been there maybe five days, and Neuro called in because emergency family reasons.”

“Doesn’t one of his parents have cancer or something?” Lloyd said, sliding a hand to the unopened bottle of peach vodka. Kai nodded (“Dad,” he answered before moving onto the other chicken thigh) and continued after a few more bites and another half-glass of water.

“So anyways, because I’m also lowkey training on the fly, times go to shit. Which of course means adding anger to already hangry customers. Then in drive it’s Gene and Brad, and for the love of god I don’t get why Clause keeps putting them there because they can’t do shit right. So now this means I’m having to yell at them what it actually is because they hear “chicken” and I hear “fish” and they keep missing shit and getting it wrong and one customer got so fed up they full-on screeched “Cancel the whole damn thing” and drove off, which I guess triggered Brad’s anxiety and sent him running to the freezer so he could calm down which left Gene alone but thank god Tox was there so she snatched a headset and made Gene cash out and-”

Nya edged his water glass towards him, and he took the hint. He took a deep breath and after a few moments continued.

“I’m not blaming Brad. It’s not his fault he’s got anxiety and drive triggers it sometimes. He’s pretty good at keeping it under control but he walked in this evening already a mess. I could see it wasn’t going to be a good night for him, and I feel bad. Honestly, if I’d been up front, I would’ve made Tox be in drive with Gene from the start, then switch out Chamille with Brad and make him runner. Instead my ass is chained in kitchen and I can’t do shit to help a struggling front.”

“What gets me is that Clause will schedule weak line-ups then wonder why nothing turns out the way it’s supposed to,” Cole said, sliding glasses to Jay, who was closest to the freezer. “I’ve never understood it and I’ve been there since I was...fifteen?” His face fell and he mumbled, “I’ve been there almost a decade.”

“You’re how old again?”

“Twenty-four. I’ve sold a solid nine years of my life to that hellhole.”

“Is there anything else, Kai?” Jay opened the freezer and began adding ice cubes to each glass. Kai shook his head, mumbling around another mouthful of chicken, “Nah, I’m good. It’s basically the same shit, different day anyways.”

“Great, because we’ve been waiting a longass time.” Lloyd unscrewed the vodka lid, and Jay slid the glasses with ice across to him. Lloyd poured them with four shots each, filling half the glass before passing it down to Nya, who added an equal amount of 8Down to it then passed them around until everyone had glasses.

“Here’s to temporarily forgetting our problems and feeling happy for a few hours,” Cole said, raising his glass.

“Hear, hear,” the other five said, raising their glasses as well and clinking them together before drinking.

“God that’s good,” Kai hissed, already going in for another large sip.

“It’s been too long,” Lloyd agreed, enjoying the burn of the vodka as it slid against his upper lip and down his throat, the combined taste of peach and lemon-lime soda settling against his tongue. It had been accidental in discovering the combination of peach vodka and 8Down, and since then it had become one of their default drink combinations.

They finished the first glass in no time, moving onto the second round in minutes. They could already feel the early effects of the alcohol taking place, if their gradually growing grins and increased giggles said anything. By the time they were two glasses done with a total of eight shots, their tongues had become looser and another vent session about work had begun.

“...anyways this stupid bitch rips into me and is all like ‘Oh my god I want this but you said you didn’t have it anymore so of course I fucking want the thing closest to the item you no longer carry!’” Nya face-planted into the table, mumbling how it wasn’t fucking fair that drive people were treated like pieces of shit and other things that dissolved into a muffled “Pour me another". A tipsy Kai filled his sister’s empty glass with half-8Down and half-peach vodka, and she lifted her head, pulling it closer before draining a quarter of it in a single gulp, burying her face once more into an arm on the table.

“Yeah, she was a _biiiitch_ ,” Lloyd confirmed, a hand pressed against the wall to steady himself, carefully walking to the table that had the food and drinks on and going for the fudge cookies while he handed Kai his glass to fill as well. He raised it to his lips, feeling the vodka burn against his upper lip while the peach and the lemon-lime flavors danced on his tongue, a burning trail slipping down his throat and into his stomach, heating him from the inside out. “Like why do people think it’s okay to scream and yell and be absolute assholes?”

“Manners, Lloyd. They haven’t been taught some fricking manners,” Cole called from where he was sprawled out on the couch. “How do you think I or Kai feel when some raging lunatic comes storming up to the counter screeching about god-knows-what?”

“Rip us,” Kai confirmed while Jay said, “I’m dropping an F in the chat,” mixed with an apology about how tough that is from Zane.

“It’s fucking bullshit!” Nya angrily hollered before breaking down into tears, sobbing the phrase repeatedly into her glass of soda and liquor. Jay rubbed her back, letting her cry her emotions out.

“Or that time that one older lady got so pissed about something she deadass chucked her shake at you and stormed out,” Kai reminded Cole, who groaned and mumbled, “Yet it’s the older generation who is like ‘Kids these days don’t have any manners or respect’, blah blah blah.”

“BITCH THEY’RE USUALLY THE WORST ONES!” Lloyd screamed, sliding down the wall and bursting into tears. “Okay, look, I get it, they’re old and they’re frail but for frick’s sake I can’t hear whenever you mumble and then after five times of me asking you to repeat yourself, you get mad then fucking scream like fucking hell lady, I’m trying my damndest and if you could just maybe speak up a little bit and enunciate, that would be great. Not scream like yeah, that’s gonna help. And that just goes for people in general. Also why the fuck do parents let their kids order in drive. Because it's 'cute' or some shit? Really? It's not cute; it's irritating."

“Drive as a whole just helps you go deaf,” Nya said miserably, sniffling and wiping at her face, adding quietly to herself, “God I am so glad I didn’t wear makeup tonight.”

“Then when you try to ask questions like if they want cheese or not, they’ll answer literally everything _except_ the one you asked. Then it’s like thank you but because you said so much and are moving onto three different orders I guess I’ll just _fuck all_ and put it down as cheese then have you get bitchy with me because you didn’t want cheese and I should’ve known that because I’m a goddamn mindreader.” Lloyd looked down into his glass. “Fuck.”

“Did Zane ever tell you that he proposed my idea to Borg about getting you guys jobs and he’s on board with it?” Jay volunteered, which made all four fast food workers erupt into another set of tears, openly bawling.

“You’re kidding, right?” Kai choked out, alcohol-glazed eyes shining with tears and hope.

“Nope. I sent him a few pictures and P.I.X.A.L. analyzed them and deemed Kai, Nya, and Lloyd for the models and Cole security. Just like what Zane and I said earlier,” Jay answered with a large grin, taking another sip of his drink. “Before you get too upset, Nya, Zane did mention you would rather work alongside me and Borg basically said “Why not both?” so you still get what you want.”

Nya launched herself at him, strangling him in a tight hug and bawling once more. Jay’s eyes blew open with surprise, and he awkwardly patted her on the back. Meanwhile on the couch Cole had an arm thrown over his eyes and was crying with a smile on his face, and on the floor Lloyd was coughing.

“Are you okay?” Zane stared at Lloyd with concern as the blond’s cough grew rougher and deeper. Lloyd waved a hand in a gesture saying he was fine, but the cough wasn’t letting up. He scrambled to the bathroom, feeling like he was about to throw up, but the sickness wasn’t coming from his stomach despite the unholy amount of alcohol he had. Instead it felt like it was in his lungs, and between that and the ceaseless cough, he began panicking, desperately needing to breathe.

He slammed the door shut and moments later was sick. The vile taste lingered heavily in his mouth, but something didn’t sit quite right with him. Cracking open an eye, through blurry vision he saw two small, white objects of the same shape and size.

“Lloyd? Are you okay?” He heard Kai on the other side ask, concern heavy in his voice.

“Y-yeah,” Lloyd answered, pulling the lever. He began to shake, not from having just purged his system but from seeing... _flower petals?_ He shook his head, blaming it on something. Hallucinations...yeah, he was hallucinating. He was so tired and stressed and sleep-deprived he was beginning to hallucinate. With a head nod, he hauled himself to the sink and turned the faucet on, cupping his hands to gather enough water so he could at least rinse his mouth.

“You’ve been coughing a lot, recently. Are you sure you’re okay?” Nya inquired from her seat as Lloyd rejoined the group.

“Yeah, I must be more stressed than I realize so I might have some kind of sickness. There’s also a lot of pollen, so it might be allergies or something,” Lloyd answered, returning to his spot against the wall. “But yeah, I’m fine. Nothing a few drinks can’t help with.”

“If you’re sure…”

The night continued with them drinking until they blacked out. In the morning when they woke up, they each took turns throwing up, heads throbbing and regret high.

“Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?” Jay slumped against the island’s countertop, blearily staring into a glass of water set a few inches away from his nose.

“Because it’s our way of numbing the pain, even if the consequences of being temporarily happy hurt,” Cole answered. “When do you think it’s gonna be possible to meet up with Borg and see if we can get something started?”

“Evenings are pretty open, so practically any time after six.”

“We’re off no later than eight, so if we could go on a day when Kai isn’t working, that’d be great,” Nya answered.

“When are your days off, usually,” Zane directed to Kai, who answered before taking a sip of coffee, “Tuesday and Wednesday.”

“This upcoming Wednesday, then?” Jay suggested, and four heads bobbed in agreement. The brunette stretched, yawning, “Now Zane just needs to get that set up and we’ll be good to go.”

* * *

“Good lord, this place is huge,” Nya said as they met at the front door of Borg Industries. Zane and Jay were already there, accompanied with a feminine figure made of silver, eyes glowing green as she surveyed the four newcomers dressed in worn jeans and old hoodies open the door.

“Welcome to your potential new workplace,” Jay said cheekily, throwing his arms open in a wide “Ta-da” gesture. He slid to the side, closing the distance between him and the silver robot, and announced, “This is P.I.X.A.L., Borg’s personal assistant.”

“Pleasure to meet you all,” she answered formally. “If you will please follow me, I’ll show you to Mr. Borg’s office.” She turned and began crossing the large room to the elevators located clear on the other side of the main floor.

“How do you not get lost in here?” Lloyd hissed to Jay, who answered, “You get used to it.” He ducked a swipe from the blond, a cheeky grin on his face as he slung an arm around Lloyd’s shoulders.

The elevator trip to the top of the building was a long and quiet one. Jay and Zane watched with mild amusement as Cole, Nya, Lloyd, and Kai gawked at the view of Ninjago City, never having the chance to see anything above ground level. The elevator chimed and the door slid open. P.I.X.A.L. led them down a short hallway and opened a door, announcing their presence.

“Oh, welcome, welcome! Please, do come in and make yourselves comfortable! My name is Cyrus Borg, although I’m sure you already knew that.” Around the desk emerged a man with a black combover dressed in a formal blue-gray jacket overtop a black turtleneck, a cheery and friendly smile on his face as he maneuvered a robotic wheelchair. “Jay and Zane have told me a lot about you four and your needs to find better jobs that will appreciate you and treat you like human beings.”

“Uh, yes. I’m-”

“Cole, the one who tries to keep everything from falling apart and instead gets thrown to the side simply because you know how to change things for the better. And then there’s Kai, a manager that everyone forgets _is_ one and has to deal with a struggling kitchen.”

“How did you-”

“And the ones who take the initial brunt of customer displeasure in drive thru, Nya and Lloyd. My apologies you are treated so poorly by them.”

“Like he said, we’ve told him a few things. We had to,” Zane quietly whispered to a surprised Lloyd and Nya.

“For ones so young your eyes are so tired. How long have you each worked there?”

“Nine years.”

“Seven.”

“Seven.”

“Four.”

Borg nodded and then invited them to take a seat before proceeding to list each of their individual jobs and what that would encompass. Having already been briefed by Zane and Jay, the other four already knew what to expect, but hearing it from the mouth of the CEO himself made each of them giddy.

Time slipped by, and when they finally looked at the clock they were shocked to realize what time it was. They rose to leave, already making arrangements whenever Lloyd began to cough.

“It’s nothing,” he wheezed, waving a hand to dissuade their alarmed stares, but the more he coughed the more worried they grew. Jay grabbed him by the arm and yanked him down the hall, but on the way to the bathroom Lloyd freed himself and braced against a wall, hand cupping his mouth as he choked on something.

“Lloyd?” Jay’s voice was tentative, but the only thing Lloyd was focused on was the faint taste of blood and two soft sensations resting on his tongue. Lloyd slid two shaking fingers inside his mouth, grasping the edge of the foreign items and pulling them out.

“Are those...petals?” Jay stared at the small white objects in Lloyd’s trembling palm, the petals soaked with saliva and spotted with blood. Lloyd nodded dumbly, horrified by the sight. He felt Jay grasp his other wrist, which encouraged him to meet the blue gaze.

“P.I.X.A.L. has this type of X-ray vision that gets high-quality, colored results. That isn’t normal, Lloyd, and you need it checked out. Please, it’ll only take a few moments.”

Lloyd nodded again, and he allowed Jay to lead him back to Borg’s office and ask P.I.X.A.L. to run a quick scan. He was instructed to remove his shirt and raise his arms, which he did so obediently. P.I.X.A.L. walked in a circle around him, a green scanner swiping up and down his ribcage as she circled him. When she was done, he pulled his shirt back on and hugged himself, afraid of what he might see.

“What the hell is that,” Kai whispered as the results of the scans were broadcasted on a nearby screen. Lloyd stared down at the two petals in his hand while everyone else gawked at the small stems growing within his lungs.

“They’re daisies,” he whispered, taking a seat. “What I don’t get is how…”

“A disease like this exists, although it is incredibly rare.”

“P.I.X.A.L., please. What is it?” Zane asked.

“It’s called _hanahaki disease._ A sign of unrequited love, the victim is subjected to coughing up petals and blood until they either die or the beloved returns their feelings. It is a slow, painful way to die. There is a third option of which the victim gets the flowers surgically removed, at the risk of never being able to love again or forgetting whoever they once loved.”

Silence fell like a heavy blanket, no one wanting to break it. Lloyd once more glanced down at the petals in his hand, the reality setting in. He was going to die, he knew for a fact, and when he heard Kai say, “We find whoever Lloyd loves, explain the situation, they’ll be convinced they love him too, and boom, everything’s fine,” he raised his head.

“No, everything’s not fine. Everything _won’t_ be fine. _I am going to die, Kai!_ ” Lloyd all but yelled, glaring at the spiky-haired male through teary eyes. He choked on the heavy weight of the words, and he repeated in a whisper, “I’m going to die.” His head dropped, eyes fixed on the blood-speckled petals as thick tears landed on them. Even quieter to the point his lips moved silently he added, “It’s all my fault. I brought this on myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know anymore
> 
> Quick question, though: Is Tumblr>Twitter? (Asking for research purposes)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee

Walking into work the next day hit differently for Lloyd. He'd stayed up all night, too stressed and anxious to sleep. He held onto the two petals he'd coughed up at Borg's office, trying to convince himself it wasn't real even as he stared at the proof. The images of his lungs were burned into his mind, and he shivered, squirming at the thought of becoming a nursery for the plants growing within. It was uncomfortable to imagine, the roots growing through his lungs and into his other organs.

He gagged, goosebumps racing down his arms.

He was so disoriented by his new reality he was unaware of Cole coming up behind him as he stood in lobby, nudging him in the back. It startled the blond and made him spin around, relaxing for a moment until Cole's words put him on edge again.

"I need to talk to you," he said, voice and eyes revealing nothing. Lloyd swallowed nervously and followed him to the back, walking through the cooler and into the freezer.

"What did I do now?" he asked, and Cole sighed, work façade slipping and instead being replaced with the concerned look of a close friend. He crossed his arms, his six-four frame dwarfing Lloyd's five-eight one.

"Are you sure you should be here and not at home? I thought you would've at least wanted to call in so you could process what's going on," he said. Lloyd glanced to the side, pulling an arm around himself.

"The bills aren't going to pay themselves. Besides, once it starts to worsen I'll quit anyways." He let out a soft, breathy scoff. "Might as well do it now since I'll be dead before too long."

"You're not going to die. Why are you so convinced you are?"

"Because I know there is no hope." Lloyd met Cole's gaze, letting him see the conviction in the emerald green eyes. "I know for a fact there is no chance of it being returned. And before you ask who it is, don't. I'm not saying because I know how you guys will react if I do, and I don't need them getting hurt over something they don't have any control over."

The freezer was quiet except for the hum of the refrigeration unit, the thermometer sitting on a shelf towards the back reading -4. Lloyd dropped his gaze, murmuring softly, “There’s no point in talking about it. It is what it is." He brushed past Cole, saying he needed to clock in, ending the conversation.

* * *

Lloyd left work irritated and tired. The whole time he was there he kept getting anxious looks from Cole and Nya, and a questioning glance from Kai as he clocked in at three. Sure he had flowers growing in his lungs but it didn't mean he was going to suddenly explode and turn into a pool of liquified flesh and organs with daisies popping up. He cringed from the imagery of it, wanting to think of anything else except the one thing plaguing him.

He got home and shuffled in through the door. Dropping his keys on the counter, he went to the fridge and pulled out an unopened bottle of red wine. Grabbing the corkscrew, he pulled a chair out and plopped into it, gripping the bottle with his thighs before working the screw into the cork, twisting it until the levers on each side had risen completely. He pressed down and popped the cork, wiggling it gently to pry it out completely. It resulted in a satisfying sound and he set it on the table, taking a swig straight from the bottle.

His phone dinged. Turning on the lockscreen, he saw it was from Cole and proceeded to open it:

**Cake Addict:** I’m gonna sound like an uncaring asshole but do you want to come over tonight

 **Smol Bean:** What time

 **Cake Addict:** You weren’t supposed to do that

 **Smol Bean:** Cole, we all need distractions and I get it. It’s why we started this in the first place, yes?

 **Cake Addict:** Yeah but you’re sick

 **Smol Bean:** Like that hasn’t stopped us before

 **Smol Bean:** What time

 **Cake Addict:** Would 11 be too late?

 **Smol Bean:** That’s early. Usually it’s sometime in the ungodly hours of the morning for you

 **Cake Addict:** Yeah well, what are you gonna do about it

 **Smol Bean:** (¬‿¬)

 **Cake Addict:** Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t like it

 **Smol Bean:** Too bad. I’ll see you then

Lloyd switched from sound to vibrate, setting his phone screen-side down on the table before going back to the wine.

Why was he doing this to himself? Not the drinking wine straight from the bottle when only a week ago he’d gotten drunk, but going to meet Cole. Was he fond of the “I want you more than you realize but you’ll never see me that way” feeling? Or was it _because_ of that feeling that he was doing it? If it was the only chance he had to get even remotely close to Cole in the way he wanted, of course he was going to do it, even if at the end it was only a bitter reminder.

The cough kicked in, and Lloyd eventually hacked up yet another two blood-spotted daisy petals. As if one reminder he was unloved wasn’t bad enough, now there were two, one with an onerous burden. He could deal with the first, but in the form of delicate daisies the second was bleaker, heavier.

Staring down at the petals, he wondered how much longer he had left. Was it weeks? Months, perhaps? God forbid, even _years?_ The thought of suffocating and drowning for years made him sick, and he took another drink to calm his nerves. He shook the petals off his palm then stood up, carrying the wine back to his room so he could shower and change, maybe eat something before driving to Cole's place later that night.

In the shower, Lloyd wondered if he'd already descended into insanity and hadn't yet realized it. Who in their right mind would remain friends with benefits with the same person that was the root of a problem like his? Only the insane or the ones in so much denial they refused to let go because at least something felt good enough to endure everything else, that's who.

Lloyd let out a sharp bark of humorless laughter before doubling over, eventually spitting three petals up. His dry laugh turned into wet sobs, and he slid down the wall of the shower, the water from the showerhead streaming down his face and mingling with his tears as his hand curled around the newest petals.

He wasn't sure anymore. He knew something had to be changed, but he was afraid at this point it was too late. He was scared to lose Cole, and letting go might mean losing his only hope for being cured even if the chance was practically zero. He didn’t know what to do and it confused him endlessly. None of his options looked good, and somehow each one had a worst ending than the previous answer.

He ended the saddest shower he’d ever taken, slowly drying and changing as tears continued to drip down his face. He wiped a clean area on the mirror with a hand towel and was greeted with a miserable reflection. Eyes glassy from tears, glimmering with pain and ringed with red stared back at him, eyebrows furrowed in a look that resembled a sad puppy. He looked away, unable to stare at the pathetic image any longer.

He changed into a pair of sweats and a hoodie with no shirt, returning to the wine bottle he’d opened earlier. He settled on some leftover chicken and halfheartedly tucked into that, scrolling through his YooToob recommendations before closing it. The group chat was active but he didn’t feel like participating, swiping the notifications away every few seconds. He glanced at the time and fired off a text to Cole asking if he could come over early. He received an answer a few minutes later saying it was fine, and Lloyd was putting a stopper into the wine bottle and returning it to the fridge. He paused at the second text, having to reread it a few times to make sure he understood it. A grin broke out on his face and he raced to his room, throwing together an overnight bag complete with uniform, then he was out the door, locking it and scampering down the stairs.

He was at Cole’s place within twenty minutes, slinging a backpack with his overnight stuff over a shoulder as he walked up the two flights of steps to the door. He knocked and a few moments later it opened, revealing a shirtless Cole with a towel slung around his neck, hair a wet and untamed mess with black basketball shorts slung low around his hips like usual.

“I’m still surprised you showed up,” he said, stepping back to let Lloyd in.

“Have you ever known me to say no?” Lloyd returned, slipping inside and dropping his backpack on the floor. The door closed behind him followed by the soft click of a lock sliding into place.

“No, but you still could’ve if you wanted to.”

“Yeah well, too late so what are you gonna do about it?” He started to turn around but instead found a hand wrapping around his throat and tilting his head back while Cole’s other hand slid down Lloyd’s arm to his wrist, tugging it behind him slightly.

The pulse in his throat pounded against the large palm that was pressed against it. Cole’s dark eyes were hooded, a crooked smirk on his face as he leaned down and whispered into Lloyd’s ear, “I’ve got an idea or two,” before nipping at the curved shell. It made Lloyd shied away but Cole clucked his tongue and pressed his index and thumb against the curves of the blond’s jawline, controlling his head and exposing more neck.

“What do you have in mind?” Lloyd asked, voice breathless. Cole chuckled, releasing the smaller male. Smirk still present, he glanced towards the hall leading to the rooms, message clear, and Lloyd rolled his eyes.

“Thought you’d never finish the foreplay,” he teased, running his nails down Cole’s exposed back as the two started on their way. The blond watched in satisfaction as the taller male’s shoulders pulled back and spine curved inwards, a familiar reaction yet one that never failed to please the blond. He wasn’t expecting, however, for Cole to turn around and grip Lloyd’s throat once more, pulling him in close and running the tip of his tongue across the blond’s lower lip, teasing them open before kissing him. Lloyd responded easily, threading a hand into Cole’s still-damp hair while curling his other around the wrist just below his throat, each feeling the other’s erratic pulse.

“You _were_ eager,” Lloyd crooned huskily, shoving Cole into the bedroom then shoving him again so that his calves collided with the bed. He fell back and Lloyd pounced, straddling him and pressing his shoulders to the bed, a grin on the smaller male’s face as he nosed at the underside of Cole’s jaw, pinning his hands down when they started feeling him up.

“Don’t give me that whine, sir. You’ve felt me up plenty of times. It’s _my_ turn to be on top," the blond said in a low murmur, working his way down prominent collarbones and a sternum that heaved with fast and uneven breaths. He glanced up and caught a glimpse of Cole staring down at him, eyes glazed with arousal. Lloyd cracked a grin and kept going, sliding his hands down the toned body beneath him and gripping his waist.

"And we said Kai was an incubus," Cole groaned as Lloyd began trekking back up. Lloyd grinned against a rib and responded, "Being innocently pretty like me has its perks, what else can I say?" A hand fisted itself into his hair, pulling his head up. Lloyd grinned cheekily as Cole once more gripped his throat, removing the hand buried in Lloyd’s hair to press two fingers past his lips.

Lloyd narrowed his eyes. He'd already had his suspicion from the initial throat grip how this was going to go down, and this confirmed it. He slid his tongue between the fingers in his mouth, separating them and swirling them around as he toyed with the ties of his sweatpants, an eye closing as his face shifted into a sultry look.

He pulled off Cole's fingers and reached for the hem of his sweatshirt, Cole releasing his throat long enough to allow it to be pulled off and thrown to the side. Lloyd turned back to Cole and immediately had the fingers back in his mouth, pressing down on his tongue while the heel of Cole's palm pressed against his chin, pushing his head back to expose his neck. Lloyd allowed it, eyes closing as Cole mouthed at the vulnerable throat as his other hand gripped the blond's small waist to keep them pressed together.

Lloyd began to cough, pulling on Cole's wrist to free his mouth before turning his head to the side, eventually spitting up three petals into his hand.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Cole asked softly, dark eyes shining with concern as Lloyd slid off to throw them in the trash. The blond turned in time to see broad shoulders drop and pull inwards, guilt mixing with worry in his eyes. He said softer still, "It was selfish of me to have you come over. You should've said no."

"Hey now. You need a distraction and so do I. I get that."

"But not at your expense," came the protest. "We can do something else."

"Like what?"

Cole fell silent.

Lloyd walked back over and tilted the older male's head back. "Exactly. You don't want to do anything else, and I'm gonna take a wild guess and say even though you feel bad you still want to fuck." He sighed and plopped down next to Cole. "Remember that time a few years ago when there was that horrible accident downtown and instead of feeling bad about it I wanted to write a scene inspired by that? And I felt guilty because I didn't feel sympathy or anything?"

"I remember you mentioning that."

"And do you remember what you said to me about that?"

"What's your point, Lloyd."

"My point is that we're all fucked up and do things we know we shouldn't but want to anyway regardless of what it is. Cole, you're overthinking this. I already said it's fine and I still say it's fine. Stop worrying."

"Telling me to stop worrying and overthinking is like someone telling you to stop being so nervous."

"Yeah…" Lloyd leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "Well now what the frick do we do. Braid each other's hair? Do our nails and makeup? Have a photoshoot using old clothes? Film a shitty home video? All of the above?"

"I don't know." Cole flopped backwards, staring at the ceiling. Lloyd turned around and sat back on his heels, eyes slipping down the muscled torso. An idea came to mind, and he carefully said, "What if I said I wanted to try something."

"Like what."

"Guess you'll find out when you get that ass in the middle of the bed." Lloyd smirked crookedly, making a "Go ahead" gesture with his hand. Cole narrowed his eyes but did as requested. Lloyd straddled his hips, smacking Cole's hands away as they started to reach for him.

"No touching. Your only job is to just lay there and take it."

"Uh-"

"Close your eyes and relax. Trust me, nothing unpleasant is gonna happen." Cole squinted at him for a moment before finally closing his eyes. Lloyd positioned his hands just slightly above his head, sliding his own hands down the muscled arms to Cole's chest.

Lloyd leaned down and trailed light, feathery kisses along the vein in the left side of Cole's neck, feeling it throb erratically beneath his lips. He went lower, not too different from earlier but at a much slower, careful pace.

Cole's abdominal muscles twitched as Lloyd pressed a kiss to each of the six sections of his abs, trailing his tongue lightly through the center line before kissing back up his stomach and chest, hands gripping the body that reflexively arched upwards to hold him down lightly.

“Why are you doing this?” Cole asked, voice tight and breathless.

“You felt guilty and I figured this would be a way to ease the guilt. Do you not like it?” Lloyd pulled away, hands still splayed on the taut stomach beneath them. There were faint marks littered across Cole’s torso, some darker in color because Lloyd got a bit too into it, accidentally leaving smudged bites.

“No, I do. It’s just…”

Lloyd’s eyes narrowed and he folded his arms across his chest. “Just what.”

“I don’t know. Like I know it was my idea for you to come over but now I’m second-guessing it and I feel bad because I dragged you out of your apartment late at night, with an overnight bag, and I just don’t know anymore.”

Lloyd hummed thoughtfully. “We could always watch YooToob on your Ybox if you’d rather do something else, try again later if you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”

Cole slowly nodded, the movements changing from hesitant to confident, and Lloyd crawled off him, pulling on his sweatshirt as Cole slipped into a sleeveless tee shirt. They headed back into the living room, flopping on the couch as Cole turned the TV and console on. He handed Lloyd the controller, who input a channel name and selected the first video suggestion.

They spent the next two hours bouncing back and forth between different genres of videos. At one point they stumbled across a tutorial for a linedance, and with nothing else better to do, learned it until they could perform it in a rough interpretation. They exchanged grins as they challenged each other to see who could do it better, and Lloyd snickered and stuck his tongue out at Cole afterwards, having done it with more precision and grace than his opponent. Cole grumbled, ruffling Lloyd’s hair. The blond ducked out from underneath, gloating about his linedance victory as he pranced around in celebration.

“Whatever, it was just a linedance.” Cole rolled his eyes before wrapping an arm around Lloyd’s neck, getting him into a headlock before digging his knuckles into the smaller male’s head.

Lloyd wriggled free, eyes gleaming mischievously. “ _Just_ a linedance, huh? Is that why you look a little hurt?”

Cole pointedly turned away, announcing he was going to get a glass of water. Lloyd scampered after him, swiping at his back and mimicking “It’s just a linedance” in a horrible imitation. Cole flailed an arm behind him in an attempt to smack Lloyd but Lloyd only batted at it, whining, “ _Cooole,_ why don’t you _plaaay_ with me?”

Cole sighed into the water he was drinking, one narrowed eye fixed on the smaller blond who was lightly pummeling his arm and fussing that he was bored and wanted someone to play with. Cole set the glass down then suddenly pounced on Lloyd, pinning his hands behind his back and pressing him against the counter.

“Look-”

“Why are you so needy for attention, hm? You’re obviously wanting something if you’re bothering me so much.” Cole nipped at Lloyd’s ear, chuckling darkly at the broken breath he heard in the blond’s throat. His voice dropped into a soft, husky whisper. “What is it that you want.”

“You’re the one who won’t give it even though tonight was your idea,” Lloyd answered, head falling back as Cole nosed at his throat, mouthing at it. “You should be the one begging, not me.”

“But you’re so cute when you beg,” came the throaty croon beneath his jaw. Lloyd felt teeth scrape against the side of his neck, pressing into his flesh hard enough to leave an imprint. He hooked a leg around Cole's thigh, pulling it closer as his neck continued to be a target. Cole growled, releasing Lloyd's hands to instead grip his hips, picking him up and setting him down on the counter. With his hands now free, Lloyd cupped Cole's face and pulled him close, swiping the tip of his tongue against Cole's lower lip before lightly licking into his mouth. Cole allowed it, hands slipping beneath Lloyd’s sweatshirt to grip his bare waist.

At one point Lloyd was distinctly aware of movement then the soft give of a mattress beneath him, but he was too caught up in the hormone-induced daze that he didn't really notice or care. All he cared about was the man between his legs, making him arch and whine, nails scraping down the broad back that bowed slightly with each thrust.

Afterwards the two lay there, staring at the ceiling in utter silence as they thought of what to say, mild awkwardness hanging between them. Finally Lloyd exhaled deeply and said, "I'm not quitting."

Cole turned his head, brows furrowed. "What?"

"I'm not quitting. Why bother when I'll just be dead in a few months anyways? It wouldn't be worth it."

"Lloyd-"

He rolled over, curling into a ball with his back to Cole. "You and the others need to, though. Don't worry about me and think of yourselves for once. You, Nya, and Kai have solid decades ahead of you. I don't even have one year. You guys need to have jobs that actually value and appreciate you and don't throw you to the wolves everytime something gets fucked up."

Cole was quiet for a few beats before softly asking, "Is there anything I can do?"

 _You could save my life,_ is what Lloyd wanted to say. But he forced it back and instead said, "Come back and visit to see if I’m still alive or not. Get a better job. Actually live your life and not sell it the way you have been the past decade. You could do that.”

“You know what I mean.”

 _You could love me back._ “You can’t help, not this time.” _Are you kidding? Why are you lying?_ "I'm serious, honest. It’s appreciated, though.” _I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared of how he'll react if I say the truth._ “If I think of something, I’ll let you know.” _I won’t because you can’t do it._

“Alright, if you’re sure.”

 _I’m not._ “I am.”

After several more moments of lying in silence, Cole broke it once again. “You can sleep here. I don’t mind being on the couch for the night.”

Lloyd rolled onto his back so he could turn his head to look at Cole. “Are you sure? I can sleep on the couch-”

“Lloyd, it’s fine. One night on the couch isn’t gonna hurt me. Besides, it's what you do, y'know?"

"Yeah, I guess."

They once again fell silent. Never having spent the night, neither knew what to say, and as a result the awkwardness returned. Eventually Cole exhaled deeply and said he was gonna take his meds and get settled on the couch, slipping out from under the covers. Lloyd nodded, figuring he should probably do the same. He waited until Cole had left to fetch his own things, having brought his backpack into the room when they’d been watching YooToob on the Ybox. Rummaging through it, he pulled out the container of melatonin, the only thing his broke ass could afford to help with his insomnia. He popped it into his mouth and washed it down with a swig of water from the bottle he brought along, dressing and crawling back under the sheets.

Cole returned a few moments later to gather a few items before migrating to the living room. "I'm gonna leave the key on the table," he said, taking a pillow and two blankets, wrapping his arms in them. "Just give it back before three, alright?"

"Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay over," Lloyd said, and Cole's head bobbed.

"It's the least I could do, considering everything," he answered. "Feel free to help yourself to the kitchen before you leave. Uh, night.” He ducked out of the room and closed the door before Lloyd could respond, leaving the blond alone with his troubled thoughts and complicated feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta began to not like me at this point but he was so invested he couldn't stop. Oof


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta and I both agreed that this was the roughest chapter so...prepare yourselves

Cole glared with a tired eye at his alarm, swiping to dismiss it before pressing his face into the pillow mashed between the armrest and his head. With the temperament of a wounded tiger he sat up and shoved the blankets off, eventually standing. He rubbed his eyes with a hand as he shambled to his room, slowly pushing open the door. In the mixed lighting of early dawn and a nightlight, he managed to glimpse Lloyd's sleeping form, curled into a ball and hugging the pillow.

Stepping lightly, Cole made his way over to his closet, edging it open just enough for him to reach in and grab his uniform. He glanced behind him when he heard Lloyd stir, then withdrew his arm and slid the mirror shut once more. Turning around, Cole vaguely caught a glimpse of the expression on the sleeping blond's face, and seeing it drew him in for a closer look.

He'd never noticed how sad Lloyd looked until now, the cheeky mask he wore when awake gone. Slim eyebrows pulled in a little, the corners of his mouth turned downwards. The way he was wrapped around the pillow like it was his lifeline and alone in the middle of the queen-sized bed made him seem that much smaller. The sight tugged at something within Cole, a sort of desire to protect the vulnerable fairy-like being. He almost wanted to run a hand through the soft, golden hair made messy by sleep but stopped himself from doing so. He knew what it felt like, falling between his fingers like strands of silk before roughly fisting it to pull Lloyd's head back, either to expose his throat or to snarl filthy things into his ear, things that always turned him on even more and made him a whining, pleading mess. Cole dimly wondered if it somehow felt different when being stroked lightly, his fingers twitching at the thought. Before he learned the answer, he yanked himself from it, reminding himself he had more important things to worry about.

Like getting ready for another day in hell.

Going to work always filled Cole with a sense of dread, knowing he would sell yet another day of his life to a job that, for all practical purposes, _hated_ him. He tried to make things better, tried to work with the crew to better their performance and raise their spirits when they felt like shit, but it always seemed to backfire. There were days where he wondered why he spent as much energy as he did into doing things that never went further than a few inches and vowed to cease, but then there would be that _one moment_ where his efforts seemingly paid off, even if it was a short while.

Then he found himself getting dragged through the mud because something got fucked up and it needed someone to blame. Kai did his best to defend Cole and argued that certain points were valid, as in getting rid of a few employees who were always missing work, but he too was brushed to the side for making a suggestion that was for the better of the store.

Cole unconsciously cracked a dry half-smile, remembering back to when Kai had first walked in through the door. His almond-shaped brown eyes sparkled with a genuine excitement for life, always ready for the next adventure, and he radiated an infectious energy that made not smiling impossible. Little did either of them know that, seven years later, that enthusiasm would be gone, killed off by a job that had turned him bitter and spiteful.

Too soon for his liking, Cole found himself in the parking lot. The building was dark, say for the light that stayed on all night to deter people from breaking in. Seeing how empty it was soothed his soul, always having found places usually busy and filled with people in a vacant state to be relaxing, therapeutic almost. With a deep sigh, he climbed out of his car and started across the parking lot, broad shoulders feeling heavier with each step closer.

He unlocked the door and immediately went to disarming the alarm. Once that was completed, he punched in and started prepping machines, slipping into a memorized routine. He let years of repetition control him, unable to find the energy to actively engage in anything.

Time passed sluggishly, and by the time Nya came walking in a few minutes before ten, Cole was more than ready to go home and sleep for the next twenty years.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she clocked in, and Cole shook his head, not wanting to talk. She took the hint and let him be, working on temps as he stocked set and made sure front was thoroughly ready for at least the first wave of customers.

The clock ticked unhurriedly, the seconds feeling like minutes and the minutes like hours. By ten thirty Cole was irritated and by eleven he was more than ready to fake sick and go home, such was his exhaustion and unwillingness to be there. He wasn’t paying attention when Lloyd came up to him and nudged him, making him start. He glanced down as the blond pressed the key into his hand, and Cole slipped it into his pocket with a barely noticeable nod. Lloyd then turned and clocked in, heading to drive's corner a few moments later.

Not the first time since learning of Lloyd’s ailment, Cole wondered why the blond continued to fuck him. Not that he was complaining but it didn’t make sense to him that, if there was someone else Lloyd fancied, why he wasn’t fucking them instead. In fact, he never even knew Lloyd had feelings for someone, so it had surprised him greatly to discover that. Lloyd never mentioned anything about seeing someone, or really socializing with anyone outside their squad, so it had thrown everyone into a loop when out of nowhere...this fucking mess magically appeared? He’d always been more open and honest about feelings and emotions than some of the others in the squad, daring anyone who had an issue with that to 1v1 him in the parking lot, so for him to keep something like this a secret...must’ve been hard.

“Order.” Cryptor threw a ticket down, jerking Cole from his thoughts. Giving himself a shake, he reached for a tray and within moments had the order ready to be run. Brad swooped in and whisked it away, taking it to dining.

Cole felt more like himself once the rush set in, orders beginning to drop like leaves in autumn. It gave him something to focus on, pushing his tiredness and worries to the side. He didn’t have time to look at the clock, didn’t have time to think about anything else except the ticket he held in his hand, reaching for either in-house trays or to-go bags before the food itself. In the throes of a rush, set was the only thing he cared about.

Which made the exhaustion that much more noticeable whenever he finally took his break just after one. Once he got his food and sat down, the urge to take a nap right then and there hit strong. Twenty minutes later and he was forcing himself back to work, praying for three o’clock to arrive soon.

“See you guys later,” he said as he finally trudged out the door a quarter after three, numb and completely drained. Nya returned it and Lloyd waved, too absorbed in an order to verbally respond. Cole headed to his car and sat in it for a few moments, thankful he was finally able to just _breathe_ , closing his eyes to further enjoy it. When he finally opened them, he turned on the engine and immediately headed home, too tired to even be mad at the people who cut him off without their blinkers, something that routinely pissed him off and made him want to flip them the bird because was it that fucking hard to use a blinker? Really? Did it really take that much energy to flip a simple lever to indicate which direction one was gonna go? His personal belief was that everyone who didn't use their blinkers deserved to be in an accident _because_ they didn't use them, but he knew he'd get stares and "You shouldn't wish for harm on others" thrown at him if he said anything.

He finally reached home and immediately collapsed on his bed. Not even the thought of a shower or at least changing motivated him to move, his mind once more wandering back to Lloyd.

His certainty he was going to die was eerie, his belief that, whoever he loved wouldn’t return the feelings which would ultimately save him, was strong. And it didn’t make sense to Cole. The blond was a sweet guy who felt more on the emotional level but had a particular knack for writing, more than once spamming the chat with multiple ideas written in all caps or dropping links to whatever he’d just written because he insisted on them reading it. He worked hard and kicked ass, and honestly Cole didn’t see how anyone couldn’t love him. Sure his chaotic energy skyrocketed when he was around Kai and Jay, but it made the times the squad got together even more entertaining.

Cole opened his eyes to watch the fan above him spin, still thinking. He felt bad because there wasn’t anything he could do, and he was beginning to consider cutting the “with benefits” from their relationship. He still felt guilty about having Lloyd come over the previous night, despite the attempts to reassure him everything was fine. It was creepy and unnerving, seeing Lloyd cough up flower petals spotted with blood, and though half of him was horrified, the fucked up part of Cole was enthralled with it. He was disgusted with himself with the thought of using Lloyd and the hanahaki as the subject for a new art project, but he couldn't help it, already thinking of how he was going to go about it.

His self-disgust drove him off the bed, catching a whiff of Lloyd's leftover scent on a pillow in the process. Once familiar and comforting, it was now a reminder of how fucked up he was. Who in their right, sane, stable mind would use a close friend suffering from something so horrific as flowers taking root and sprouting within their lungs, suffocating and drowning them with petals and blood as inspiration for a new drawing? No one, yet Cole couldn't shake it, the imagery growing more and more vivid. Would he show the interior of the chest, daisies blooming so innocently as their roots emerged from the lungs and intertwined around the ribs? Or maybe just a mere portrait with petals and blood dripping from parted lips, large green eyes shining with tears and agony?

Cole felt sick, and he scrambled to get things ready for a shower, trying to think of anything-- _anything_ \--other than the thought plaguing him. At one point he faltered, and his shoulders slumped as once again he came to terms how fucked up he truly was.

* * *

A deep cough dragged Lloyd awake. He reached for the trash can next to him, pulling it close so he could spit out however many petals he coughed up this time. The taste of blood was permanent in his mouth; no amount of brushing, mouthwash, or chewing gum could remove the metallic flavor from his tongue. It was sickening, but there was nothing he could do except just accept it for what it was.

Three months. It would be three months the following week since he coughed up the first petals. He thought he’d have more time, but with how fast the flowers had grown, he didn’t like his odds. He had been hoping to at least make it to the end of the year, but now he’d consider himself lucky if he made it to the end of autumn.

Most days he felt like shit, lungs aching with even the smallest of breaths. The coughing made them cry in agony, the roots of the daisies anchored deeply into them, resisting and refusing to surrender. It was disturbing and fucked up, how Lloyd could feel the pernicious blooms move and sway with every breath. The way the soft petals brushed against the inner lining of his lungs, the leaves lightly waving back and forth. It was horrifying, nauseating, and he couldn’t do jackshit to stop it.

He gagged as a disgusting clump of petals finally came up his throat, rolling off his tongue and into the trash with a sickening splat. Initially it made him squeamish; now he was numb to it. He pulled a few stray petals off his tongue and wiped them on an old tissue previously used for the same purpose before returning the plastic container to its home between his bed and the nightstand. He picked his phone up and stared blankly at the screen, dimly wondering why he’d unlocked it. There were a few messages from the group chat, and he pulled it up just to skim through it. Jay and Kai were annoying Zane with UwU, and Nya and Cole were discussing work-related things.

 _Why would it be any different?_ Lloyd wondered as he closed the app and pulled up an idle game, collecting a few items before exiting out of that one too a few moments later. _It’s how it’ll be anyways by the end of the year, just the five of them._ He locked his phone and set it back down on the nightstand, pulling a knee against his aching chest and holding it close.

Alone in bed at 11:39 on a Wednesday evening, he felt broken. Depressed. Like his friends were moving on, arms linked around shoulders and waists as they walked abreast down a road into the sunset while he stayed behind, watching with tears of heartbreaking sadness dripping down his cheeks as their silhouettes unlinked from each other and began to run, laughing and shouting as they vanished, leaving him alone on an empty street at the edge of an empty city.

His head dropped, eyes aching. He’d spent so many nights and days crying that he was convinced he’d reached the point where he couldn’t cry anymore. He’d wept from pain, from the broken feeling that lay within his heart and mind, from the friends he’d leave behind. He didn’t want to die, he wanted to keep living, but his life was being absorbed into the flowers growing inside him. While they flourished he became withered, exchanging his energy for their wellbeing. The few times he ate now all went to the daisies, and as a result he’d become unnaturally thin. Bones were beginning to show in places where they shouldn’t be so sharp and prominent, and if anyone asked if he was alright, he’d just simply excuse it as health issues and leave it at that. Most usually just bobbed their heads as if they understood, but no one ever would.

Lloyd curled onto his left side, feeling numb. Everything hurt, radiating from his chest and into the rest of his body. He thought, not for the first time, if the pain spreading into his stomach and other abdominal organs was because of the roots of the flowers. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, but he was terrified of it being true that it kept him from contacting either Zane or Jay to ask if he could stop by and get a new scan done by P.I.X.A.L.

He curled an arm around himself, breathing slowly to minimize pain but eventually was forced to take a deep breath due to oxygen. He gave up trying and reached for his earbuds and phone, plugging them in and scrolling through YooToob to find one of his favorite ASMR videos. He adjusted and settled down, desperately needing to sleep.

He dozed but never truly fell asleep. Drifting in and out of being semi-asleep or semi-awake, coughing every few hours, the night dragged mercilessly on. The few times he could sleep were interrupted by coughing fits, furthering his exhaustion.

Despite all this, he still somehow dragged himself to work, against better judgement. He knew the crew suspected something was wrong with him, his voice unusually rough and breathing shaky, but he still continued to haul his ass into work and do his best because he was a complete idiot, the foolest of them all.

He gave up trying to sleep after five, and reluctantly crawled out of bed, chest hurting. He tried to convince himself it was only a simple four-hour shift that day, he could do it no problem, but a new sick feeling began to churn his stomach. He thought about calling in but shook it off, blaming it on yet again the daisies being the problem's cause as he sucked it up and began preparing for work.

* * *

The next rude customer that gave Nya an attitude would find themselves being strangled. She'd already dealt with three back-to-back, the most recent a customer demanding her to give him a refund because the fries "weren't fresh" and got pissed when Nya said she'd have to get a manager to do that.

"I just want my money back!" the man fumed, glaring at her. She excused herself after the third time of saying she couldn't do it herself and headed to set, sliding up next to Cole.

"Cole, darling, there's a customer wanting a refund because his fries aren't fresh," she said sweetly, putting on her best smile and even batting her eyelashes a little to conceal her irritation. He glanced at her, annoyed as he grumbled more to himself, "Those fries were literally put down two minutes ago. Not fresh my ass." He sighed huffily then had her cover set as he went to provide the refund.

"Bastard probably just wanted a free fry," he muttered when he returned shortly, eyes glazed with annoyance at everything. "But the customer is always right, so if he says the fries weren't fresh well then I guess the fries weren't fresh even though I watched those fries be dropped a few minutes ago." He made a severely displeased face and Nya nodded before returning to drive, taking the change from Lloyd's trembling hand and closing the drawer.

The next half-hour went surprisingly smooth, then Lloyd tapped her on the shoulder, already struggling to keep from coughing. She nodded and he removed his headset before bolting for the employee's bathroom in the back. She proceeded to tackle a busy drive solo, something she didn’t like doing but could do fairly well when put in situations where she had to.

She lost track of time, too caught up in having to multitask, that when things finally died down Cole came over and asked where Lloyd was.

"He left to...y'know, and I've been so busy here I don't remember how long he's been gone," she responded. His eyes darkened with worry, and he immediately headed to the back. Nya watched him go before the headset began to beep, pulling her back into the corner.

Minutes later chaos descended. Cole came running back to the front, yelling they were closed and lunging for the phone. Clause demanded to know what was happening and Cole hissed one of his employees was unconscious on the floor and bleeding from the mouth, dark eyes blazing with ebony fire. The ambulance came and hauled away Lloyd's limp body, Nya watching as she was consumed with worry and fear. She glanced at Cole who was arguing with Clause he was going along and that was final, anger and anxiety radiating from the younger male as he raced out the door.

The rest of the day was a mess, one that Nya didn't remember when she clocked off at five and headed home. When she reached the parking lot of the apartment complex, she met Kai on the stairs, his bike slung over a shoulder.

"Cole told me what happened. I'm gonna get Lloyd's car and drop it off, then Cole's gonna bring me back," he said, and Nya nodded numbly. Kai slung the arm not supporting his bike around her shoulders, pulling her into him for a hug.

"He's a dumbass for working in his condition," she whispered. "A complete, stupid dumbass. I don't get why he's continuing to work in the state he's in. Does he hate himself that much or something?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't," Kai answered. They pulled away and he continued down the stairs saying he'd text her when he was on the way back. Nya watched him go, trying to figure out why Lloyd insisted on doing what he did.

* * *

Lloyd sat at the edge of the hospital bed, staring at the floor with desolate eyes. Numb didn't even begin to describe how empty he felt, like there was a void beneath his skin and nothing else. Nothing but a suffocating weight that was crushing him, but even that felt nonexistent.

The door to his room opened, and the nurse approached him with something in her hands. He glanced at it, realizing this must've been what she was talking about earlier.

When he finally came to a few hours ago, the nurse told him he wasn't the first case of hanahaki they had seen. It was incredibly rare, but there had been enough cases to prompt a medicine, one that came in the form of an inhaler. She asked if he wanted one, saying it would relax his airways when having a coughing fit and also stunt the growth of the flowers. He nodded, and she left to fetch one.

“Thanks,” he said hoarsely, taking it and pulling it from the bag, examining it halfheartedly. “How often should I use it?”

“One inhalation three to four times a day, and no more than four doses,” she answered. “Do you have someone who can pick you up and take you home?” He nodded, having already seen Cole’s text about transportation. The nurse walked him out to the front desk, where he signed the release papers and paid for the inhaler before turning to where Cole was already standing, the collar and top three buttons of his work shirt undone and hair a mess, letting Lloyd know he’d been raking his hands through it quite often.

“You didn’t have to stay here all day,” Lloyd said quietly as the pair headed out the door. The sky was dark, stars hidden by the street lamps that illuminated the parking lot, reflecting off windshields and the metal shells of unoccupied cars.

“I didn’t want to leave in case something happened.” They reached Cole’s car and climbed in, Lloyd pulling out the inhaler and giving it a try once he was buckled in. “We are gonna have to stop by to drop your car key off because Kai assumed it was going to be in your backpack but apparently it’s not.”

Lloyd slid a hand into his pocket and pulled out the lanyard with his keys on it. “Apparently not.” He let it slip through his fingers and fall into his lap, the keys jingling as they landed. He turned his head to stare out the window, watching the city lights pass by. He felt uneasy, like Cole was going to say something that would lead into an uncomfortable conversation, or maybe that was simply his paranoia about having to fess up everything. He fidgeted with the worn sleeves of the hoodie Cole lent him, feeling like he was drowning in the thick material as he waited for something to happen. Eventually Cole sighed and said quietly, "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yeah, there is. Don't think I haven't noticed you pulling away especially after the last time we got together." Another sigh, this one regretful. "I wasn't in the right state of mind when I asked."

"I wasn't in the right state of mind when I accepted," Lloyd answered in a small voice. He burrowed further into the hoodie, praying the conversation would cease.

“Lloyd, please. There’s something else bothering you and no, it’s not related to your...affliction. Talk to me."

Cole couldn't have been more wrong. It _was_ related to the pernicious flowers growing within Lloyd, but he was too afraid to say anything to contradict it. Afraid of speaking the words and afraid of the consequences, so he kept quiet, the silence becoming thick and torturous. After it became clear Lloyd wasn't going to speak, Cole quietly said, "I don't think you should drive anymore. Not after today."

Lloyd jerked his head to the side to stare at Cole, gobsmacked. "I'm still fine enough to drive!"

"I found you unconscious on the bathroom floor with blood coming out your mouth, Lloyd! If it happened once, it can happen again, and if you're driving and that happens, you'll cause an accident. And neither of us want that."

Lloyd fell silent, knowing Cole was right. His shoulders slumped, feeling the cracks deepen within his soul. At this point he felt like he couldn’t do anything. For the past three months he couldn’t go to work without being watched by the hawks he called friends, getting pestered with “How are you?” and “Are you sure you should be here?” anytime they saw him. Now he wouldn’t be able to drive which left him what, taking the bus? Calling a cab? Having someone go out of their way to pick him up? There was only one option left, and it added more weight to the crushed, defeated feeling he was drowning in.

“When we get there, I’m gonna have to do something,” he murmured. “It won’t take too long to do.”

“And what is that?”

“You’ll find out in the next few days.”

Cole huffed in mild irritation. “When did you become so secretive? A few months ago the squad knew you like the backs of our hands; now we don’t have the slightest clue what’s going on. We’re worried sick about you. We want to help but you’ve basically shut us out.”

“I guess I’m just trying to prepare you guys for a life without me,” Lloyd snapped, the hollowness being replaced with anger at being probed at endlessly. “God knows I won’t be around for too much longer, so might as well get used to not having me around now that way you’re ready for it.”

“You being so convinced you’re gonna die is really starting to piss me off. You keep saying that but you don’t really know for sure-”

“Yes, Cole, I do. The chance of me being cured is zero. There is no saving me.” The anger dissipated, being replaced by deep sadness once more.

“You can tell me, y’know. I won’t tell the others.” There was movement from the corner of Lloyd’s eye, and he looked over to see Cole’s right pinky extended. “I pinky promise I won’t tell anyone what you tell me tonight.”

Lloyd stared at it, torn between wanting to and being terrified of having to commit. He knew Cole was good at keeping secrets, but those secrets didn’t involve emotions and feelings that would expose the soft, vulnerable core of Lloyd’s being. He felt like saying anything would be a mistake.

But on the other hand, with only a few months left, what was yet another mistake? At least someone would know, and the jumbled state of Lloyd’s mind told him that it was better that one person knew. He felt it was logical to keep the secret but his emotions were pleading with him to let everything out. With a sigh he finally decided, and with a trembling hand curled his pinky around Cole’s.

“I’ll tell you after we stop by work. I don’t want to walk in there more a mess than what I already am.”

“That’s fine.”

The next few minutes were quiet, and when they got to the parking lot, Lloyd climbed out and headed inside. He immediately saw Kai lounging in one of the smaller booths, sucking on a small raspberry shake as he scrolled through his phone, Lloyd’s backpack next to him. He glanced up and stood when he saw Lloyd working on removing his car key from the lanyard.

“Thanks for doing this,” the blond said as he pressed the key into Kai’s palm. “You didn’t have to, though.”

“Of course I did, grasshopper. I'd do anything to help you." Kai ruffled Lloyd's hair, making him duck away despite the small grin on his face.

"I know. It's appreciated." He glanced out the window to where Cole was still waiting in the car, and Lloyd headed to the counter, ignoring the overly shocked looks the crew was giving him as he retrieved an empty slip of receipt paper and a pen. He scribbled something on it then folded it in half and retreated to the office, dropping it into the box set aside for requested time off.

"What are you up to now?" Kai inquired as they headed out the door. Lloyd shook his head, saying he'd find out in a few days. With a perplexed expression, Kai said he'd see him soon, and Lloyd bobbed his head before slipping into the shotgun of Cole's car once more.

The blond was queasy, stomach churning as Cole pulled onto the main road, taking a left. It was silent, and Lloyd was afraid to break it. He knew the reason behind Cole's silence, and once more fear kept the blond mute. A few blocks away from work, he finally swallowed nervously, taking a shaky breath before beginning.

"I deserve this. It's my punishment for what I did," he started, voice thick and soft. "It was an accident. I didn't mean for it to happen."

"What did you do."

Lloyd's eyes burned with tears, and he knotted his fingers together. Gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside, he weakly whispered, "I made an agreement with someone and I failed to keep my end of it." His chest tightened, not with an urge to cough for once but with anxiety, sadness, worry. He felt sick as tears dripped down his face, Cole gently pressing what the agreement was. After some moments of thick silence Lloyd finally said the words that would expose him and damn him: "There would be no emotions involved. And I caught them."

Lloyd was terrified to look at the man sitting next to him. The tears began to fall faster, following his jaw to his chin before dripping onto his hands, and he struggled to keep from breaking into a bawling mess and profusely apologizing. Instead he breathed a simple "I'm sorry" in a thin voice, wanting a hole to appear and swallow him as his frayed composure slipped into soft crying.

Once again silence filled the car, the only other sound being Lloyd's shaky sniffling. It grew too warm, too stifling in the car, and it added yet another layer of suffocation to the blond, but he stayed quiet about his discomfort.

Cole still hadn’t said anything by the time he pulled up to Lloyd’s apartment, and he remained uncommunicative even as the blond quietly thanked him for the ride, shedding the hoodie and delicately setting it in the passenger seat once he’d gotten out. He closed the door and met Kai at the base of the stairs, key and backpack being returned.

“I’m gonna call in tomorrow. I don’t think anyone would blame me,” Lloyd said as the pair climbed the steel steps to his apartment.

“They wouldn’t. Hell, take the next three days off if you have to. Between what happened today and the state you’re in, no one could hold that against you. You could pass as some Day of the Departed decoration, that’s how horrible you look,” Kai said, and Lloyd smiled without humor, unlocking the door and stepping inside.

“Look, if you need anything, literally anything at all, Nya and I will be more than happy to do it. Don’t be afraid of asking us for help, alright?” Lloyd glanced at the spiky-haired male leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and head tilted just a little, a soft look in his brown eyes as he gazed down at him.

“I will. Thank you, both of you. And tell Nya I’m sorry I left her in drive for as long as I did,” Lloyd answered, and Kai snorted, straightening up and sticking his hands in his pockets.

“I will, but she’s gonna say something about you shouldn’t be worried about her tackling drive solo when you need to be thinking of yourself first,” he returned, and Lloyd cracked a small smile. Kai glanced at his phone and said, “I need to be getting back anyways. Remember, if you need anything…”

“I know, and I will. Thanks again.”

“I’m serious though, about you taking the next three days off. Not only as a friend but as the forgotten manager, do it. You need to rest, and pushing yourself the way you have been for the past few months isn’t helping you at all. Promise me you’ll take some time off.”

Another promise. Despite the cracking in his chest Lloyd nodded and said he would. Kai ruffled his hair one last time with a crooked grin then finally turned and started down the stairs. Lloyd shut the door and locked it before pressing his back against it and sliding down, unleashing his sobs to the empty room.

* * *

Kai set his bike into the trunk before swinging himself into the passenger seat, pulling the sweatshirt he landed on out from underneath him and tossing it into the back. “Fuck I feel bad for the kid. I mean, he looks like shit, sounds like shit, and how the _fuck_ did he manage to survive work as long as he has?” he blurted out as he buckled up and unlocked his phone, sending a quick text to Nya saying he was finally on the way home. He turned to look at Cole and was caught off-guard by the numb look on his friend’s face. “Uh, you good?”

Cole turned his head slightly, answering dully “No” as he put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot.

“You...wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Was it something Lloyd said?”

“Kai-”

“No, what the fuck happened? He looked like he was gonna fall apart back at the store and just now he was breaking like glass. What-”

“Drop it,” Cole growled, numbness turning into seething anger.

“But-”

“I said to fucking _drop it_.” The look Cole threw Kai was filled with anger and irritation, dark fire blazing in his eyes. Kai blinked, taken aback from the abrupt change. Cole turned to face straight ahead, teeth clenched tightly while his knuckles turned white against the black cover of the steering wheel.

Kai didn't scare easily, but an angry Cole was not to be messed with. He kept quiet for a few blocks before tentatively saying, “I told Lloyd to stay home the next few days. Just so you know.”

Cole’s shoulders slumped, his anger leaving as fast as it came. “Thanks.”

The rest of the trip was quiet, Kai not wanting to press Cole anymore and anger him once again. In the driver's seat Cole was lost in thought, the look in his eyes distant. His knuckles had slackened, wrapped loosely around the wheel, and in the lights of the city he looked emotionless, hollow. Kai noticed but didn't say anything, only saying night when he was dropped off. The other male nodded, sounding drained when he echoed the phrase. Kai retrieved his bike from the trunk and hoisted it onto a shoulder, heading up to the apartment while Cole started home. When he got to the top, Nya already had the door open and was waiting for him.

"Well? What all happened?" she asked as she closed the door behind him, crossing her arms across her chest. Kai shook his head, too tired to delve into that.

"Lloyd says sorry for having you deal with drive solo," he instead said, shedding his jacket and pulling his shirt off as he headed into his room. "I told him you would say he needs to worry about himself first and not drive thru."

"Damn right I would. Screw customers; I care about my drive partner first and foremost," she answered. Kai grinned, slipping into his PJ's as she turned her back.

"He still feels bad though. Solo drive is never fun, no matter what." He walked past her and into the kitchen, hems of the worn pajama pants dragging across the carpet with a faint rasp. "I told him to stay home the next three days. Cole knows and I figured you'd want to as well. Hope you get a good replacement."

"Please let it be Tox. That girl can kick ass and I'm too spoiled off Lloyd to deal with anyone incompetent. Like Chope and Kapau."

Kai snorted, going for a glass of water. "If you get stuck with those idiots I'm sorry. I really hope you get Tox as your partner too."

Nya fell quiet, then she asked, "How is he?"

Kai pulled the glass from his lips and set it down with a soft clink. "He didn't look good. At the store he was barely keeping it together and by the time we got to his place he was broken. Cole practically bit my head off on the way over, so I don't know what happened between them during the ride there but it wasn't good."

"I see." She glanced at the time and said she was going to head to bed. "Coffee's already prepped," she told him as she headed to her room. "See you sometime tomorrow." Kai repeated it and behind him her door closed softly. Kai followed shortly, absentmindedly scrolling through a social media feed once he was in bed. Even though one or two things caught his eye, he was too occupied with tumbling questions to pay much attention.

Like what had happened between Cole and Lloyd for one to be so snappy and the other so broken. They’d always gotten along great, so what had caused the change? Unable to think of an answer, Kai locked his phone and set it on the nightstand, staring at the ceiling as he pondered the same thing endlessly.

* * *

Confusion. The slow dawn of realization. Shock, disbelief. Then eventually the heavy weight of what it meant being set upon his shoulders. Horror mixed with guilt. Trying to process it made him numb, mute. He heard the soft apology mixed with tears, but it seemed to be coming from miles away it was so distant. Then when Kai began pushing he snapped, introducing self-hatred and self-loathing to the mix of messy emotions.

Cole felt suffocated, feeling like he was spinning blindly in circles. He couldn't do anything, couldn't help. He just...couldn't. He was trapped, unable to do anything except watch in horror as a close friend was torn apart from the inside. Never before had he felt so fucking _useless_ , and it cut into him like a knife.

 _Who couldn't love him?_ The long ago thought came racing back, and Cole felt horribly sick. A fucked up monster like he was, that's who. The art he'd made using it made him feel lower than dirt, now knowing it was unintentionally his fault that Lloyd was suffering.

And he had to go ahead and make fucking _fanart_ of all things. Lloyd was crying and needing him, and what was Cole doing? Focused on romanticizing it with his earbuds in, drowning out the agonized pleas of help as he made beautiful the virulent. Guilt weighed on his consciousness as his demons ripped him open, licking their knife-like fingers clean with forked tongues while their too-large mouths were pulled into twisted macabre grins, slanted eyes bright as they hissed in amusement as he collapsed under the crippling weight of his malfeasance. They laughed and jeered at him, circling around him and kicking him until he submitted to their torments.

 _What's wrong, bastard? Didn't you enjoy making what you did? They turned out exquisite, so why do you hate your art?_ they crooned throatily. Cole shook his head desperately, consternation making him raise his head and cry, _It's my fault he's like this! When he needs me the most I don't do a damn thing except turn it into art to be displayed!_ One demon with an elongated horse face and limbs too too long backhanded him across the face, crouching down before him and gripping his chin and pulling his head closer, blood red eyes boring into near-black ones that were filled with raw horror at what he'd done.

 _You didn't have a_ **_fucking_ ** _clue what was going on. Don't blame yourself for something you weren't aware of,_ the demon hissed, releasing Cole's face, catching it with curved talons and drawing deep scratches against his jaw. Cole's head followed the movement until the last talon had reached the end of his chin and his head dropped back down with nothing to support it. _You're fucked up beyond saving anyways; just accept that this is another one of your crimes._ Cole stared blankly down at the black floor between his hands, breathing labored as he blinked rapidly until he found himself frozen outside his door. He wasn't even aware he'd made it back home already, and he dumbly unlocked it, stumbling inside with his mind reeling.

The worst part, Cole sluggishly realized, was that Lloyd was right. He said he knew the person he loved could never love him back, and he was right. As much as he adored the blond, Cole just couldn't find it in himself to love him the way he needed. The helplessness became crushing, and Cole stood in the middle of the empty living room, knees weakening until he buckled to the floor, beginning to grieve at his inadequacy and the devastation his failure would in time bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta didn't know what to say for a good ten minutes after he finished this. Honestly I don't blame him


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some cookies for making it through this absolute fucking emotional hell (::) (::) (::)
> 
> TW// Brief mentions of contemplated suicide throughout

**04:38**

**Withered:** I'm gonna be out of town for a while. I'll be okay

**09:16**

**Blueeeee:** Uh, should you even be leaving the house? I know it's been a month since you quit Chen's and you have nothing to do but still

 **Withered:** I'm already on the bus. Pretty sure people think I have some virus or something because even with the inhaler…

 **Smart Strange One:** Where are you going?

 **Withered:** Styx

 **Blueeeee:** Thought you would've been headed to Jamanakai to see your mom and dad

 **Withered:** That was last week

 **Blueeeee:** And you didn't tell us where you were why???

 **Blueeeee:** How are you still able to move that much anyways???

 **Withered:** The inhaler's helped a lot. I can kinda breathe now and I’m not coughing as much shit up

 **Blueeeee:** ACKkahdushsjshsjjs thAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!

 **Withered:** Jay, I'll be fine. I promise

 **Smart Strange One:** Please take care of yourself, Lloyd.

 **Withered:** I will. Thanks Zane

* * *

**23:12**

**Incubus:** Has anyone been in contact with Lloyd? It's been a week and there's been nothing

 **Cake Addict:** It’s not like he hasn’t gone off the grid once in a while the past month

 **Incubus:** Yeah, for one day, not an entire week

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Do you think something happened?

 **Blueeeee:** I hope not

 **Cake Addict:** But what was in Styx that he felt was so important to go for?

 **Blueeeee:** Hell if I know

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** He wouldn’t just leave when he’s like this. It’s not him

 **Cake Addict:** Nothing’s BEEN him the past four months

 **Incubus:** Yeah hey, that reminds me uhhhhhh what the fuck happened between the two of you when he passed out? He was completely broken and you just about ripped into me

 **Blueeeee:** Wat

 **Incubus:** When Lloyd was hauled to the hospital, I was in charge of bringing home his car but of course his keys weren’t in his backpack. So that meant Lloyd and Cole had to stop by the store so the keys could be dropped off 

**Incubus:** Anyways he looked like he was going to fall apart in a few moments, but at his place he looked like some porcelain doll someone had dropped and didn’t give a shit on how destroyed it was. Then on the way back to my place, Cole nearly took my head off

 **Cake Addict:** You were pushing and I wasn’t in the mood for it

 **Incubus:** I was pushing because Lloyd was so goddamn crushed and he didn’t look that bad at the store

 **Incubus:** So what the fuck happened

 **Incubus:** And if you say nothing, you’re fucking lying

 **Cake Addict:** …

 **Cake Addict:** I pinky promised not to tell anyone what he told me. It was the only way to get him to open up, but I also think it’s because he wanted at least one person to know. He was pretty messed up, and I think saying what it was really got to him

 **Cake Addict:** I’m sorry, that’s all I can do

 **Blueeeee:** Well...shit, man :/

 **Cake Addict:** It's not your fault

 **Smart Strange One:** Has anyone been able to contact him?

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** He's not answering my texts

 **Incubus:** His phone goes straight to voicemail when I call

 **Blueeeee:** Are we sure he even left the city?

 **Cake Addict:** He wouldn't say that just to keep us away

 **Smart Strange One:** Let's keep trying to get a hold of him. If he answers one of you, please let the chat know as soon as possible.

 **Blueeeee:** Yessir

 **Incubus:** Copy that, captain

 **Goddess of Wisdom:** Kai and I have things to do, just in case Lloyd does get in contact

 **Cake Addict:** Alrighty, catch you guys later

 **Incubus:** Yee

Kai closed the app and rolled off his bed, grabbing his hi-tops before heading to the door, where he found Nya tying the final knot on her black heeled boots. She stood and grabbed a small accessory backpack, slinging it across her shoulders, thumbs looped around the lower part of the straps.

"What's even happening anymore?" she asked as he plopped onto the floor, tugging his shoes on. He shook his head, focused on tying the laces before standing up, slipping his wallet and phone into a pocket.

"I don't know but Lloyd has me worried," he said, flipping a pair of black sunglasses on and gathering his keys before opening the door, letting his sister slip out first before he followed, closing and locking the door behind him. They trekked down the stairs, not wanting to discuss Lloyd until they were in the car and headed to the grocery store.

“You don’t think something happened, like he’s unconscious somewhere, do you?” Nya asked, adjusting the thick black choker around her neck before pulling the visor down and opening the mirror, scrutinizing her bangs and flicking at them a few times to adjust them.

“God I hope not. If he is then we’re fucked because no one knows and…” Kai took a deep breath, glancing over his left shoulder before merging. “I don’t wanna think about that. For once I’m gonna be positive and assume he’s still alive and conscious, at least somewhere.”

“The power of positive thinking,” Nya said, mimicking Jay’s voice while doing an imaginary rainbow with her hands. Kai snorted, shaking his head as he muttered something about “that kid”.

“You did get the list, right?” he asked, glaring at the person in front of him who was going five under the speed limit.

“Of course I did. Name one time I didn’t.”

Kai squinted, trying to come up with an answer. “Uh, valid. You motherfucker,” he added in a hiss, glare becoming intense as the minivan in front slowed down even more. “You just passed a speed limit sign ten feet back. It’s forty-five, bitch, not thirty-five. This is the zoom-zoom lane, dumbass, not the slow-ass lane.”

“Whatever you do, don’t kill us. I do rather enjoy my new job,” Nya said as she started scrolling through her phone, glancing warningly at him from the corner of her eye. Kai huffed, arguing, “It’s not my fault people don’t fucking know how to drive. Blinkers, dammit!” he screeched as the minivan slowly pulled into a turning lane to turn left. “Is it that _fucking hard_ to use your _goddamn_ _blinkers?!_ ”

“They can’t hear you, so stop screaming,” Nya grumbled irritably, giving him a severe scowl. He swore under his breath, retorting, “Your road rage is worse than mine so you can’t say anything.”

“Bitch please.” She made a face that he imitated until they were both making fun of each other. She finally turned on the radio, immediately vibing to the first song that came on with a deeply appreciative “ _Hell_ yes”. She started wiggling her upper body, still scrolling through her phone and left Kai to maneuver through Thursday afternoon traffic.

“Is there a major holiday coming up that I’m not aware of?” Kai commented as he pulled into the overly packed parking lot, making a disgusted face as he searched for a spot, finally finding one towards the very back. “Why are there so many people here?”

“Beats me,” Nya returned, climbing out of the seat and smoothing her hands down her high-waisted red plaid skirt, adjusting the thick black belt with silver chains looped around it. Tugging at the straps of her small backpack, she readjusted the wide neckline of her black crop top, pulling at it so both shoulders were lightly exposed before starting down the aisle of vehicles, Kai following once he’d locked the car.

The grocery store was cool, and he pulled his sunglasses off, folding them and reaching for Nya’s backpack, opening it and exchanging the glasses for their list and a pen. She went over and grabbed a cart, switching that out for the list as they headed to the fruits.

With the aid of their list, they were in and out in less than half an hour, working around the hordes of people taking the longest than actually getting what they needed. Piling the groceries into the trunk, the siblings climbed back into the car, and just as Kai was backing up, Nya’s phone rang.

“Lloyd?” The two exchanged concerned glances, and a beat later she said, “I’m with Kai grocery shopping. Can I put you on speaker?” Another beat, and she was pulling her phone away from her ear, flipping it to speakerphone.

“Where’ve you been? We’ve been worried sick about you,” Kai said, eyes trained on a family unit taking their sweet time crossing the road to the store.

A strangled, sickly wheeze, then in a strained, hoarse voice that had difficulty speaking, “Don’t tell the others. I read the chat.”

“Your phone’s kicked straight to voicemail the past week, so how-”

“There's a desktop"-wheeze-"version that I have.” Another struggle for breath that hurt Kai just hearing it.

“Why do you sound so horrible? I thought you said your inhaler was working,” Nya said, looking incredibly worried.

“At first, but it began"-wheeze-"failing two weeks ago." Wheeze. "They’ve grown too"-wheeze-"much.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Kai asked, anxiety and fear clawing at his insides.

“I don’t trust myself to be alone,” Lloyd whispered, the words nearly impossible to hear. “Can you guys"-wheeze-"come over?”

Kai narrowed his eyes behind his shades, one hand tightening his seatbelt. Nya noticed and gave him a warning glare, one that he ignored as he said in a firm voice, “We’ll be there soon. Hang in there, grasshopper.”

“Thank you.”

“So, um, working for Borg is a lot better than what I expected. I mean the pay’s a lot better, and working alongside Jay in inventing stuff is great…” Nya filled the empty silence with lighthearted stories about working for Borg, saying she enjoyed it a lot more than she ever did working at Chen’s. Meanwhile Kai pressed his speed, going five, then ten over the limit. In some cases fifteen before Nya smacked him on the thigh, glaring fiercely at him. He gritted his teeth, reluctantly slowing while she resumed telling Lloyd about the time when Jay accidentally had too many espressos and ended up finishing two major projects at what she considered an unholy speed. Lloyd chuckled weakly, saying “Of course he would”, and Nya agreed with him.

“Grasshopper, we’re here,” Kai finally said fifteen minutes later.

“Alright.” Lloyd ended the call, and the siblings started across the parking lot and up the stairs, reaching Lloyd’s door in a matter of moments. Nya knocked lightly, and the door was being pulled open. They slipped inside and he closed it, breathing a wet, labored wheeze.

“Sorry I look so bad,” he said as he slowly turned to face them. His face was gaunt and ragged, skin a pale sickly green hue. His hoodie hung off his frame awkwardly, and even beneath the thicker material Kai could see his shoulders jutting out unnaturally, his legs terrifyingly thin beneath the shorts he wore. It was mortifying to see how rundown and haunted the blond look, his large eyes desolate and void of any emotion as they lay sunken into his skull. He looked fragile, like if he moved wrong his entire skeleton would break and he’d drop to the floor in a fragmented mess.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Nya asked, eyes filling with sadness at Lloyd’s decrepit state. He shambled like an old man to the kitchen, every movement causing intense pain as he pulled a chair out and sank into it, Kai and Nya following suit. He opened the laptop sitting there and turned it around so they could see it, pushing it towards them. The siblings glanced at each other before leaning closer to it, reading what it said:

_I can’t trust myself to be alone. Not after the first full flower. I thought I had more time but I don’t. I’m done in two weeks at that. Any questions, ask Cole. He has the answers. Thanks for what you and the others have done for me._

Kai looked up at Lloyd, heart breaking as tears began to sting his eyes. Nya got up and gave Lloyd a hug, the blond’s bony shoulders beginning to tremble. Kai joined in, horrified to feel just how skinny Lloyd had become in just the past month alone.

“Why did you call us over?” Nya asked, pulling away. Lloyd reached for the laptop and highlighted the first line of the short note, then went to the end of it and made a new paragraph, typing, _Almost. Thought it. Wanted to. Couldn’t._

The tears in Kai’s eyes began to fall, and across the table Nya made a choked whine in her throat. Lloyd dropped his head, softly crying as well. Kai stared at the younger male and asked, “Do you want to stay with us?” Lloyd sluggishly raised his head to meet the soft brown gaze, and breathily said, “Please.”

Later that night, Kai found himself curled around the delicate Lloyd, tenderly rubbing the bony back. He felt torn, his heart heavy in his chest as he recalled the brief note the dying blond had written, and once again tears came to his eyes. No one deserved to feel so broken and hopeless that they no longer wanted to live, but to an extent Kai could understand and relate, having gone through his own blackened time in which he had longed for the numb, cold release of death.

He pulled the kid in closer, wishing there was something he could do to help and eventually fell asleep.

“So, he’s finally sleeping, thank god, and there’s someone I kinda want to see,” Kai said in the morning to Nya as she poured herself a cup of coffee. When she tiredly asked who, he pursed his lips for a moment then answered, “Skylor.”

His sis raised her head and fixed him a squinted stare, suspiciously asking, “Are you planning what I think you are?” He nodded, and she murmured, “Can’t say I blame you. Tell her I said hi,” she added louder, and Kai nodded once more before heading out.

“Hey there, stranger,” a redhead with slanted bangs and two braids following the left side of her scalp before flowing into a ponytail called from the counter as he walked into Twisted Dragon Tattoo and Piercing. Kai cracked a grin, walking over to her and giving her a fistbump as she added, “What brings you in today?”

“First off, Nya says hi. Second, I'm thinking of getting a remembrance tattoo. It’s...a long story, though.”

Skylor leaned against the counter. “What’s the short version.”

“Close friend came down sick with this really messed up disease. It’s straight out of a fantasy horror thing and it sounds like bullshit but when I say the only cure is for your love interest to return your feelings it’s the truth.” He paused for a moment, feeling a distant memory vaguely return. “So it’s not the only way, because apparently you can get the things removed…” His voice trailed off as the memory slammed back into him. Borg’s office what seemed like eons ago, P.I.X.A.L. saying there was a third option that came with a risk.

A risk that seemed like nothing to deal with if it meant staying alive.

Skylor raised an eyebrow, looking concerned. “You good?”

“I have to make a phone call. Um, it was nice seeing you again, I’ll come back later but it’ll be for something else. Bye!” Kai raced out of the store, scrambling back into the car as he quickly dialed Nya’s phone, almost yelling as soon as she picked up they needed to have a group phone session _now._

“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” Cole grumbled as Nya connected Jay and Zane.

“We’re a bunch of dumbasses! We forgot the third option of having the flowers surgically removed!” Kai yelled as he sped back home. “Sure it comes with him never being able to love again or even forgetting who it was he loved, but dammit I say it’s worth it!”

“Yeah but he’s still in Styx and we’re not able to reach him,” Jay protested.

“Actually, that was a lie,” Nya softly countered tentatively. “He was in his apartment the whole time. Yesterday he called Kai and I to come over and, um, now he’s with us.” She took a shuddery breath and said, “He’s begun vomiting entire flowers, if you can even call it that. It’s not even coughing anymore, it's just this...horribly wet gagging noise then it sounds like he's choking, followed by crying. He...he told us yesterday he had maybe two weeks left, and I’m afraid to say it but he’s right. He doesn’t have much time left.”

“He’s so skinny it’s terrifying. He can’t eat, he barely drinks, even sleeping it’s only a few minutes at a time,” Kai added. “He’s a miserable wreck, and he’s in so much _pain._ He’s practically a ninety-seven-year-old. It’s heartbreaking to see him like this.”

The few moments of stunned silence was interrupted by the labored wheezing that Kai had become uncomfortably used to, and he clenched his jaw as Nya softly explained, “This is what Kai and I hear all the time. I don’t even know how he’s survived this long, breathing like that.”

“I’m gonna try to convince him to get them removed provided it’s somehow not too late. It’s our only chance at this point to save him, and-”

“I’ll do it,” Cole interrupted Kai. “It should be me who does it. I mean, it just seems right since he told me some things about it. I’ll have the better chance at persuading him.”

“How far away are you?” Nya asked.

“Ten minutes if I get all green lights.”

“Cole, for the love of god I hope you know what you’re doing,” Kai sighed. A beat of silence, then a soft, “I do,” answered.

* * *

Cole’s heart was in his throat as he drove to Kai’s and Nya’s apartment. He was so fucking scared of losing Lloyd that worry was the only thing plaguing him as he caught a red light. Nervously he tapped a thumb against the wheel, body growing jittery and tense the longer he waited.

It gave him time to think back once again to the dream he had the previous night, one where he’d been walking through the charred ruins of a monastery. In the center he’d found Lloyd, head tilted as he stared thoughtfully at a smoke-stained wall. Sensing Cole’s presence, he turned his head and opened his mouth…

...before he was doubling over, vomiting up whole daisies and blood. The splatting of the horrific mix made Cole feel sick, even as his conscious screamed at him to help though his feet were locked to the ground, frozen in shock. Lloyd straightened back up, a few stray petals caught on his lips and chin while blood stained the lower half of his mouth and jaw. Thick tears of blood were beginning to drip down his cheeks, and Lloyd opened his mouth a second time before clutching his stomach, an unearthly scream being torn from his throat. Cole could see writhing movement beneath Lloyd’s abdomen, and the nauseating sound of flesh being ripped apart reached his ears.

Lloyd’s scream was cut off as a thick stem burst through his stomach, roots immediately lunging for the ground. He was pulled along with it, spine arching and limbs spasming as the other half of it tore through the back of him, blood and bits of guts and flesh being flung into the air and raining back down.

Cole was sickened, horrified, as he stupidly watched Lloyd continue to be ripped apart by the vicious daisies sprouting through his back, no longer screaming or convulsing. Blood streamed from his body to Cole’s feet, quickly reaching his ankles then his knees. Soon he found himself completely submerged in red water, feelings of guilt and shame and self-hatred crashing over him, dragging his body towards the bottom.

 _You failed me. I needed you and you failed. My blood is on your hands; my death is your fault_ . Lloyd’s baleful hiss resounded heavily inside Cole’s head, and he’d jolted awake, covered in sweat and panting. He sat up and pulled a knee close to him, trying to regain composure. Meanwhile at the foot of his bed sat one of his demons, this one with no hands, just eight finger-like appendages that joined into a single arm, a twisted humanoid creature. It turned its thin and elongated face to him, the lower half a crude semblance of a mouth with three layers of thin, sharp fangs packed closely together open in a leer, its ten swollen bright red eyes with goat’s pupils wide open as its long, stringy black hair fell down into them. _He’s right. It’s your fault he dies. You’re fucking pathetic,_ it said, turning its entire body to face him, inching towards him slowly. Cole shook his head, whispering, _I can’t force myself to love someone._

 _So your answer is to kill them, then,_ came the sneer. _You gonna do that to everyone else who falls in love you, murder them?_

 _I don’t mean to! Besides, if anyone else knew how fucked up I am, why would they want me?_ Cole asked sadly. The demon snorted, _Whatever, bastard. You can’t smother what cannot breathe, so why bother trying to ignore how fucked you are? Give up and accept that this is you. The art you make…_ The demon’s voice trailed off as a corner twisted into a sly grin. _Mortals would be horrified. But not everyone can appreciate the worst of humanity the way you do._

_I don’t-_

_Bullshit. If you didn’t like it then why make it?_

Cole fell silent, conflict tumbling within his being. The demon grinned crookedly at him, knowing exactly what troubled him, and it leaned forward, crooning, _Accept your sins for what they’re worth. Don’t let the nightmares bite._ Thin black lips twisted to bare the needle-like fangs in a sneering grin, then when Cole opened his eyes he was alone in bed, the demon's words resounding through his head.

The car behind him honked, jerking him from last night's memories. He stepped on it and somehow managed to reach the apartment without an accident, still too troubled as he walked across the parking lot and up the stairs, knocking briefly before Nya opened the door.

“Please be gentle with him. He’s incredibly fragile,” she said as Cole stood outside the closed door leading into Kai’s room. Cole nodded before opening the door and stepping inside.

Kai’s room was dark and warm, the air laced with the thick scent of blood and the sweet smell of flowers. It made him nauseous but he sucked it up and stripped his shirt and sweatpants off, leaving himself in only basketball shorts. He crawled onto the bed and slipped beneath the sheets, carefully pressing himself against the near-skeletal frame. Lloyd stirred faintly, voice horribly weak and soft as he croaked, “Cole? Why’re you here?”

“Don’t talk,” Cole hushed, softly trailing his fingers along his spine. “Please just listen to what I have to say.” Lloyd pressed himself further into Cole, shivering, and a fresh wave of heartbreak and guilt tore into him. He’d been drowning in a sea of remorse, lamenting how useless he was. The occasional drink had turned into a near-nightly thing, trying to drown himself in something other than his bitter reality. He knew it was futile, that he’d never escape, but still he tried to forget everything for a while. Now, the faintest spark of hope that he could be useful began, if only he could persuade Lloyd.

“We forgot there was a third option. All of us did. You don’t need me, Lloyd. You never did.” He sensed the start of a protest but he quickly silenced it, pressing a finger to Lloyd’s lips.

“I know it’s been a while since you thought of it, but please. Get them removed. We want you with us, being an idiot with Kai and Jay, yelling along with Nya in car karaoke. We still need you, Lloyd. We love it when you drop links to what you just wrote, whether it be this random badass fight scene or this oneshot you wrote because you were bored at two in the morning. We need those like we need you.”

“But-”

“No buts. Yes, there’s the risk involved of either forgetting me or not wanting to love again, but those are small prices to pay just to have you. Please, Lloyd, I would sell my soul to have you alive, happy and smiling again. If you forget me, then fuck it, we can start over again. If you can’t love again, then you’ll be safer. Because at least no one will be able to hurt you like I already have.” Cole’s voice broke on the last three words, choking on the weight of them.

He thought it would’ve taken more, but perhaps he had overestimated how strong the blond was this time. He was expecting an argument, but instead he heard a faint, “Are you sure?” Cole glanced down, gazing into the eyes that resembled cracked and dirty emeralds. Cole nodded, and he felt Lloyd sink into him, shoulders falling as he whispered, “Okay.”

* * *

Kai was hanging out in the seating area, drinking coffee from a styrofoam cup as he scrolled through his phone, waiting for Lloyd's text to let him know he'd be out soon.

It had taken at least a month for the flowers to be removed from Lloyd's lungs, recovery keeping him there a few weeks longer just to ensure he was healing well. When he'd announced the day he'd be released, Kai had immediately volunteered to pick him up and bring him back to stay with him and Nya until he'd stabilized and was able to live by himself again.

The sound of Lloyd conversing with a nurse pulled his attention away from the news feed he was going through, and Kai stood up, locking his phone while finishing off his coffee as he headed to the desk. Lloyd flashed him a grin, and it made Kai relieved to see light shining in his eyes once more.

“How do you feel?” Kai asked once they were on their way out the building.

“Lungs still hurt but at least I can go home. I still don’t remember why I was there, though,” Lloyd responded as they reached Kai’s car, slipping into their respective seats.

"The important thing is that you're healing and you're okay. That's all that matters to me right now." Kai carefully pulled into traffic, waiting for oncoming to break long enough for him to gun it to the opposite side. "I do hope you don't mind if the squad's coming over for a little yeehaw celebration."

Lloyd snorted. "Yeehaw celebration. The frick is that."

"A party, y'lil dumbass." Kai made a face at Lloyd, the blond returning it while sarcastically saying, "My apologies for not knowing parties are also called _yeehaw celebrations_. 'Hey, Zane, do you wanna have a yeehaw celebration tonight?' 'My apologies that I cannot, Lloyd. I unfortunately have too much work that has been delayed by Jay and his procrastination. Maybe next time.' Okay but why does that sound like it doesn't mean party but instead something else..."

"Like what?"

Lloyd snapped his fingers. "Woo-hoo! That's what yeehaw kinda reminds me of. Yeehaw celebration, woo-hoo celebration-"

"What, are we having a fucking orgy or something?" Kai scoffed as he glanced out the right rear windows before switching lanes.

"That's...what you do at orgies, Kai. You fuck, not play duck-duck-goose. Or I mean-"

"Cease! Leave the ducks and the geese out of this."

"Instead of the birds and the bees it should be the ducks and the geese."

"I'm sorry, were they giving you smartass pills instead of painkillers? Because fuck, dude, what happened?"

"Like I said, I don't remember."

They continued to tease each other mercilessly until Kai pulled into the parking lot of his and Nya's new apartment, finally being able to afford something other than a scrappy place since starting employment under Borg. Nya was already waiting for them with the door open, dressed in leggings under a pair of shorts with a croptop, the neckline sliding off to reveal a tattooed shoulder.

"Hey, you," she said, immediately going to hug Lloyd and let him inside. "How you doing?"

"I'm just glad to be out of that place. I heard there was gonna be a bit of a yeehaw celebration later tonight?"

"Just a small one, if that's alright. Just because we've been so worried about you." Lloyd nodded, another smile touching his face.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you all in my life."

* * *

Four months passed. Winter dug its brumal claws into Ninjago City, drowning it in thick layers of snow and ice. Kai hugged himself tightly, shivering as he watched Nya scramble for the bottle of peppermint schnapps Lloyd had requested they bring for that night's yeehaw celebration as they had become subsequently known as.

"Aight, let's go," she said, slamming the door shut and awkwardly waddling at a fast pace, the bottle clutched close to her chest. Kai locked the car and they scampered across the frozen parking lot, salt and snow crunching beneath their feet as they made their way up to Lloyd's apartment. Kai knocked vigorously at the door, him and Nya shivering in the bitter cold.

"My dude, how are you?" Kai announced as Lloyd opened the door a few minutes later, crushing the blond in a tight hug that made him wheeze before being pushed to the side so Nya could step inside.

"I was good until you destroyed my ribcage," Lloyd grumbled, escaping from Kai's constrictive grip and taking the bottle of peppermint schnapps from Nya's hand and setting it on the table where an assortment of mugs had already been placed.

"Shit, my bad. How are you?"

Lloyd shrugged with a single shoulder. "Lungs still hurt, but I'm not surprised. And no, before you ask, I don't remember anything. Honestly, whatever it was, I don't think I _want_ to."

Kai hummed as he removed his shoes and walked further into the apartment. “That’s fine, that’s alright. When are the others gonna get here?”

“Shouldn’t be too much longer but Zane’s probably getting on Jay’s ass about not having things done,” Lloyd joked. The siblings rolled their eyes with matching grins, silently agreeing that that was probably the case. When the two others did show up, Zane looked mildly grumpy with Jay, who flounced in like the bird he was and immediately launched into a dramatic story about why they were late.

“Whatever, dude. Let’s just get to the schnapps,” Kai said, taking the lead and opening the schnapps bottle as Lloyd prepped the hot chocolate, defending his choice to do it on the stove with milk instead of water in the microwave (“The milk adds extra flavor instead of making it disgusting like water,” the blond defended himself, ready to dual anyone who challenged his decision with a whisk his weapon of choice).

Once everything had been taken care of, the five settled in Lloyd’s living room, each nursing mugs of hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps as Kai shuffled the cards of an adult game that would bring out everyone's worst.

"Aight ye bastards," Kai announced, dramatically holding one of the black cards above his head before laying it on the floor. "Play your worst." He read the text and took a swig from his mug as the other four chose one white card from their hands, handing them facedown to Kai. Once all were in he shuffled them then reread the black card before going through the white cards. The options had them in mortified giggles, and once Kai had finished he leaned back and took another drink, this one larger than the first.

"Just because I told you to play your worst does not mean you were supposed to yeet your most fucked-up card into the pile from the beginning. Good god you guys need to go to church," Kai commented as he went through the white cards again. Finally he sighed and reached for one in particular, saying "I fucking hate whoever played this. You need to bathe in holy water and drink the holy water because you're sick."

"Religion is a social construct meant to scare people into being good; an effective way of controlling a large population. But yes, I am sick."

"Zane!" The squad screeched as they gawked at him shamelessly reaching for the black card, setting it down next to his mug. He shrugged casually, calmly saying, "You should know it's always the quiet ones who are the worst. You have known me long enough to know that I'm not innocent." He glanced up from beneath his eyelashes, a slightly crooked smirk tugging at the right corner of his mouth as he retreated back into his spot.

“I feel like you would have a master kink, but definitely be into some bondage. I’m not really sure why, but I just kinda get that vibe,” Jay commented.

“I think it’s because of how much he likes to be in control. I mean we’ve seen his place and how immaculate that is. Then when he does the thing where he rolls the sleeves of his button-downs up and his forearms are showing and ugh, yes please,” Kai joined in, eyes rolling to the ceiling to further his expression of liking Zane’s forearms.

“How about we just play the game and not talk about our kinks, okay? We can talk about them when we’re fourteen shots deep and we have nothing else to talk about,” Nya said, clearly itching to continue playing. Kai nodded and handed Lloyd the next black card, the blond setting his deck behind him facedown while reading it aloud. He finished and shook his head, placing the card on the floor as he waited to receive everyone’s white card.

"You're some sick fucks," Lloyd sighed as he went through the pile of offered cards. "What did everyone take today to be so messed up?" He proceeded to read the cards, one in particular putting them into a fit of hysterics. Laughing too hard to speak, Lloyd lifted the winner and Nya stretched to claim the black card, a twisted grin of triumph on her face.

They played for a few hours, cycling through the deck several times before they finally called it quits and decided it was time to go home. Gathering up their things, they quoted the best cards and laughed about them yet again. Lloyd saw them out, then hesitated for a moment before saying, "I'm really glad I have you guys in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve you four, but I must've really needed you all."

"Of course, buddy. We need you in our lives too," Jay chirped, slinging an arm around Lloyd's shoulders. "We'll see you tomorrow, aight?" Lloyd nodded, smiling softly, and the squad bid each other good night.

"It's so good to see him looking normal," Nya commented as she and her brother started home. "He's a ball of sunshine again and it's been too long since he's been like that." Kai nodded, an odd feeling twisting in his stomach. It was something Lloyd said that had rubbed at him wrong, and it was bothering him. The thought was right there at the edge of his mind, but he couldn't quite decipher it.

That feeling was still there when they reached their apartment, and the longer Kai thought about it the harder it was to reach a conclusion; frustrated he gave up trying and headed inside, heading for his room to change and go to bed. It was as he was laying on his back staring up at the ceiling did the thought suddenly become clear, realization slamming into him. He scrambled for his phone and fired off a quick text to Cole asking if he'd be around tomorrow, dots slowly connecting as a deep-seated suspicion took root in his gut. His eyes narrowed as he read Cole's reply a few minutes later, then said he'd be over around twelve for a conversation that could only be had in person. He knew the squad thought he was an idiot and a dumbass, and to a certain extent they weren't wrong, but once in a while he did have moments of genius. Moments like now as he began cycling through all the times he'd interacted with Lloyd since initially undergoing the procedure to remove the flowers. At first he blamed it on the anesthesia, but now that he thought about it he wasn't quite so sure that that was the case.

Just before noon the following day, Kai was at Cole's place, huddled tightly against the frigid air as he banged on the door. It finally opened to reveal Cole in paint-splattered pants and a sleeveless shirt. At first Kai thought he'd been painting because of the ripped acid-wash jeans but then he realized Cole's hands and forearms were clean and in the living room behind him were stacks of boxes.

"Are you...moving?" Kai pressed past Cole, turning to give him a confused look. Cole shut the door and nodded slowly, making minimal eye contact as he returned to the stack of paintings he was working on wrapping and putting into boxes. Kai followed him and picked up a 20x16 canvas showing a volcano with lava pouring thickly down its side. "Why?"

"I've come to the realization Ninjago City's not for me. I'm going back home to live with my dad. Get myself stable, maybe actually sell a few of these things like I said I was going to five years ago." Cole glanced at Kai. "If you want any go ahead and take them. I've got an unholy amount still in one of the closets."

"Why didn't you tell any of us you were moving? We could help you," Kai began but Cole shook his head, sliding the picture he'd just finished wrapping into a near-full box.

"My problems aren't of anyone's concern. Stay focused on Lloyd and making sure he recovers; that should be where your worries lie," he countered, reaching for a new stack of paintings and began wrapping those. "What did you come over to talk about?"

"Yeah, uh, it's about Lloyd. Last night he said something and it just kinda rubbed me wrong so...maybe you could explain, considering that every time the squad's gotten together since him getting out you've never been there for one reason or another, and he never brings you up ever. At first I thought it was just some memory loss because of anesthesia, but now I'm not so sure." Kai's gaze slid to the back of Cole's head, fixed intensely on the messy bun the scruffy black hair had been pulled into.

"It can last for several months in a percentage of people," Cole replied, a bit too casual. Kai's eyes narrowed and he walked around to face Cole, dropping into a crouch. Cole ignored Kai, preferring to focus on packing the paintings.

"Maybe but I find it odd he clearly remembers everything except the hanahaki...and you." Cole's hands stilled, and Kai's voice dropped to a low, deadly tone. "What do you know." Cole's shoulders sagged and his head dropped, and when he raised it a few moments later Kai was taken aback by the heartbreaking sadness and grief in his friend's eyes. Now feeling bad about how hard he'd been, Kai's rough demeanor dropped as well and he anxiously searched the face that aged decades within seconds.

Cole stood up and asked over his shoulder if Kai wanted anything to drink. Kai blinked before inquiring if there was any alcohol. Cole answered after a beat of silence, "I got rid of it all. I've got soda or tea, though." Kai took an 8Down and followed Cole's lead on pulling a chair out, sitting at the table. Cole stared into his drink for a few moments before sighing in defeat, his will to fight crumbling.

"You're right, about the correlation between Lloyd not remembering the hanahaki and me. It was me, I'm the bastard he fell in love with," Cole bluntly started, going straight for it. "When he said there was no saving him he was right. He knew I wouldn't be able to return it and he was right. If he died it would've been my fault because I couldn't do the one thing he needed most." He took a drink and ran a hand through his bangs, leaning forward and resting an elbow on the table.

"It's why I knew he'd listen to me to get the flowers removed. Still felt like a shot in the dark but I just kinda knew he'd listen to me and get it done. I mean, how many times has he listened to you guys compared to me?" Another sigh followed by another drink. "If he died I would've killed myself. It'd be my fault and there's nothing anyone could say that would change my mind. I would've murdered him and I just wouldn't be able to live with it."

Kai gawked in stunned silence, and Cole noticed. Shifting uncomfortably he continued, "The reason he looked so destroyed and why I snapped at you the night I found him unconscious was because he fessed up. He told me it was me and..." The broad shoulders dropped once more, and it took a few moments for Cole to recover himself. "In a normal setting there is no life or death situation. When someone tells you they love you, you're either ecstatic or not. But with Lloyd"-a deep uneven breath-"he handed me the weapon to kill him with. Except the weapon killing him had already been planted without either of us knowing." Cole stared past Kai's shoulder, broken stare fixed on a wall. "I snapped because I was struggling to accept what it meant. You don't just come to terms with it in three seconds; it takes time to realize how heavy the burden is. Once it sets in and you realize there's nothing you can do, it fucks you up a lot. I wanted to save him but it just wasn't possible until you remembered the surgery. And in doing so you saved not one but two lives."

Kai was stunned into silence, trying to absorb the information dumped onto him. Eventually he hoarsely asked, "Is that it?" and Cole awkwardly nodded with a soft "Essentially" accompanying it. Kai retreated into silence once more, drink forgotten as he contemplated everything. Another thought came to mind. "How did it start, though."

"We were fuck buddies for just over a year when he first started coughing. I know, shame on me for fucking the crew, but it's not like I'm the first manager ever who screwed employees. I'd say at least I wasn't getting blown at work in the cooler or watching porn on the work computer while clocked in, but fucking your coworkers is right up there with those things." Cole humorlessly chuckled, reaching for his drink as he muttered, "I'm fucked."

"So you mean to tell me, that every time I saw a hickey on his neck at work-"

"We used each other as stress relief from work because you can't fucking drink or smoke your problems away. But you can't fuck your problems away either. Especially whenever it becomes a whole new problem in and of itself, and it's not the problem you think it'd be." Cole sounded depressed and burdened, like he was still shouldering the weight of the past several months. He looked like he was going to fall apart at any moment, the stitches he'd used to keep himself together as best he could fraying and threatening to snap.

"Tell the others if you want; they'll eventually figure it out anyways. If you do come to visit, don't bring Lloyd. Even though I told him if he forgot me we could start again, I don't think I can look at him. He's alive and I'm thankful for that, but now he's a reminder of a time I myself would rather forget. It...having him around wouldn't be good for me. I'm already struggling, and everytime I think of him I'm reminded of how close I was to losing him and it tears the wound open yet again." He buried his head in his hands, finally breaking into tears. Kai watched the calamitous display, his heart cracking. He'd been disdainful of the thought of managers screwing their employees but seeing the toll it had taken on Cole made him sympathetic. The past few months had hurt Kai and the rest of the squad, seeing Lloyd become overgrown from within, but for Cole it must've been destructive to a level no one could imagine, knowing he was the source of Lloyd's pain and suffering and yet unable to help.

Kai got up and fetched the tissue box, sliding it across to Cole who took one. Once the majority of tears had ceased and Cole had recovered himself, Kai quietly said, "You didn't have to go through all that alone. But of course you made a promise, and of course you'd keep it no matter what it did to you." He exhaled deeply. "Why are you like this, Cole? Why do you insist on destroying yourself?"

"If I said anything sooner you all would've hated me. For Lloyd and I being fuck buddies. For it being my fault Lloyd was sick. For eventually killing him because I'm so fucking pathetic and useless. If anyone found out before he was healed that it was my doing, then you would've ripped into me mercilessly. If he'd died then you would've blamed me for it. And between losing a friend to a death I caused and losing others to hatred because it _was_ my fault, I wouldn't have been able to keep living. Not when I'd turned everyone against me."

Kai got up and pulled his chair around to the other side, flopping down next to Cole. "I'm not gonna lie, from a fellow former manager I'm a little disappointed in your behavior. But as friends I can't hate you. Not when you've gone through hell and it's broken you this much. Lloyd will be fine, so don't worry about him. For once in your life, though, focus on fixing yourself. I'll do whatever you need help with. Moving? Finding a therapist? Whatever you need, I'll do it. Just for the love of god, Cole, promise me one thing."

"And what's that?"

"If you ever feel like you can't handle it anymore, call me. I don't give a fuck what time it is or what's been happening lately, just fucking call me. At the least send me a text. I want you to heal and get better. I mean yeah, I'm gonna miss seeing this handsome face of yours, but y'know what, do it. Go back to your dad's, go to therapy, do what you have to so you can feel better. Just...please, Cole, don't give up. Don't turn out the light. We still need you, whether or not you believe it. Your brain's just an asshole, so please don't ever feel like you're alone. Even though I have no idea how much pain you're in because of this, let me help you where I can. So just please...promise me you'll call me before you do something stupid, okay?"

Cole turned his head to meet Kai's gaze, the sincere and soft warmth in the brown depths making Cole tear up again, and eventually he nodded, a tiny smile breaking through the tears as he whispered, "I promise. And thank you."

Kai pulled him in for a hug, softly answering, "That's what friends are for." They eventually pulled away and Kai flashed his signature lopsided grin as he said, "Let's get you packed. The faster you leave town the faster you can get to healing."

Cole gave a smile of his own, though not as big as Kai's. "Alright," he answered, and the two stood and returned to the living room, Kai's arm wrapped protectively around Cole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point I was talking with my beta and jokingly said "What if I started a hanahaki collection" and he deadass said "Here are two more ideas for you" so I guess I might end up making a hanahaki collection...? But that's after I update my other fics because good lord they need it. And after I recover from writing 95% of this in a single month because oof
> 
> But thanks for taking the time to read this. I mean it, thank you :)
> 
> Remember to stay safe, have a good week, and I'll catch y'all next time


End file.
